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For the VP Team
I know my boyfriend watches porn, I do too and I have no real problem with the idea. But yesterday I did something I never should have done: I looked at his hidden porn files on his computer. It turns out he has a very large amount of it in two maps. The first map is very specific, namely all videos of obese women of color who have a penis. Every last one of them. Very detailed too, it zooms in on big bellies, big butts, stretch marks, cellulite and their penises. The second file is all pictures, all of heavily obese women of color but mostly with their clothes on, these pictures look like they have been taken on the street, a store, or from facebook. He has an endless amount of gigs of this. I don't believe he has taken these pictures himself, but there are many.
I don't know what to think. I am an average sized white girl, I am nothing like this. I know that fantasy is not the same as reality, but if that's what he really gets excited about, why be with me at all? I guess I just don't understand how someone who is so attracted to this in his mind can also still be attracted to me...
I told him that I had seen the files yesterday, but he had nothing much to say about it. What, if anything, should I do? How can I be with him while knowing this?