boltedshut (boltedshut) wrote in vaginapagina,
boltedshut
boltedshut
vaginapagina

Sexless

Hi everyone,
I tried posting this before, but my computer failed me :(

A little embarrassed posting this. I am going through a really painfully long dry spell with my SO.
We haven't always had the best sex life, I could rant all day on things, but won't because I don't want to sound like a complainer. Basically, he is an incredibly nice guy, he treats me well, but doesn't understand what I need in bed. He's also adamant that he won't cater to my sexual needs, stating that he can't "be aggressive like that". I'm a very sexual person, he is not. He would rather cuddle and hold hands, I'd rather be man handled and tied to the bed. He is a bit sexually adventurous and likes to be dominated and likes me to wear a strap on, this is soooo out of character for me since I'm the one that likes to be dominated, but since he's mentioned that to me, I did some internet research (lol), and have gladly strapped it on for him and completely dominated him. I'm upset and a bit resentful that he hasn't stepped up to the plate for me. I talk to him about it, but nothing has come of it. He carries a lot of shame about sex around with him from growing up in a strict Catholic household. He would rather rid himself of these "unpure" thoughts of needing to be dominated than exploring them.
I am absolutely at wits end here. I am soooooooo tense from not having sex, I snap at everything, I am always on edge, and I feel like my life is all work and NO PLAY... I'm absolutely terrified of cheating on him, he is so good to me, except for the sex thing, which I know is a huge deal, but I don't want to mess this relationship up.
I have suggested couples therapy, kama sutra, even getting a sex surrogate for him, but I've gotten no where...
Advice, hugs, anything is welcome.

Edit: I want to thank everyone who has commented. This is a really tough thing that I'm going through and am not one to discuss situations like this openly- I fear I will be ridiculed. I absolutely appreciate every single thing that everyone has written here. Thank you again xo
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