pqowlaks (pqowlaks) wrote in vaginapagina,
pqowlaks
pqowlaks
vaginapagina

(I hope this is relevant) Pregnancy/mother/welfare/support issues

I'm having a hard time dealing with my mother right now. Since I'm sure you don't remember me, I'm 24 years old and found out I am pregnant a couple weeks ago (I think I'm about 6 or 7 weeks along now.) When I told my mom I was pregnant she insisted I consider an abortion or adoption, which aren't for me. I want to have the baby and I'm happy with this choice. I'm excited to be a mother.

I live with my boyfriend (who has 2 other children from past relationships and takes care of them/sees them often/pays child support as he should) and he works ~80 hours a week. I have a part time job right now and we have no problems paying our bills. My mother has never met my boyfriend but has already decided he is a "loser" because he has 2 kids already and I know that meeting him isn't going to change that opinion, only cause more conflict, although I do want her to meet him (of course...)

I am getting on Medicaid to pay for my prenatal care and the birth. I also plan to get WIC. I see nothing wrong with this, but now my mom won't stop talking about how ashamed she is/how ashamed I should be for "going on welfare." This is the main issue.

It got very heated last night and I ended up in a shouting match with her. I know this isn't good for me or the baby and I don't want to deal with the added stress. It's like she is more concerned about what people will think/say about me if they ~find out~ I'm getting state aid or that I'm an unwed mother than my health or the health of the baby. She has always been concerned about what other people think, and she has always been very judgmental of me. Nothing I do is good enough and no decision I make is the right one. She was never proud that I graduated college because I only had a 3.0, for example. She is a bully and has been this way my whole life, and she always claims she's "just worried" about me.

I'm at a point where I don't really know what to say to her. She wants me to explain how I'm going to take care of myself and a baby if my boyfriend leaves me or if something happens to him (and I quote, "what if he cuts off his foot with a lawnmower? and you KNOW something like this is going to happen!!!") I don't know what to tell her. No, I am not in a place to take care of myself and a baby financially right now if I were out on my own, but I am not doing it alone. I understand her concern, but I just don't know what to say to her. I do have a college degree and I plan to get my Masters at some point, but I don't have a set plan yet. I just don't. I have a lot of friends and family who support me and if I needed a place to stay, they have already offered that to me. My dad and brother are very supportive, but for some reason my mom refuses to be. It got to the point where I felt like she was trying to upset me so much so that I might have a miscarriage or something (she would think this way, too.)

I feel like crap now. I feel bad for yelling at her and hanging up on her last night, even though she is the one who was saying awful things to me ("you're going to ruin your baby's life if you go on welfare", "you are out of touch with reality", "there's something wrong with you", etc.) And I feel like a loser because I need help taking care of my baby. I don't want to be a "welfare mom" and that isn't my intent... it's not like I'm having tons of kids and not working and just living off other people. I just want my baby to have a healthy and happy life and my mother has decided if I can't do it all on my own that it's impossible for that to happen and that "babies KNOW they are on welfare and it will ruin their life." The thing is, when I was growing up my mother was on welfare! My life turned out pretty good and far from ruined. She has no sense of logic. She is just plain mean to me. She has already blamed me being pregnant for ruining all her plans to move out of state and take a better job because according to her I'll "need to rely on her to take care of me when something happens." The thing is, I don't rely on her or anyone else. I have been on my own since I was 18 and never asked for help from anyone.

I just feel like our relationship is getting destroyed and I don't want to cut her out of my life, but she upsets me so much I don't know what else to do. I am the last person in her life that can even put up with her. When she has a problem, I drop everything and help her. I am always on her side when no one else is because she is pretty much crazy. No one in her family talks to her. They didn't even tell her when her mother died. She has no friends. I know she has mental issues (BPD for one, in my opinion) and try to give her the benefit of the doubt, but at this point I am getting too old and I want to move on with my life and be happy.

I'm not really sure what the point of posting this is, but I wanted to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading, if you did.

x-posted to pregnant
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