Ol' Purple Knees (chernobyl_heart) wrote in vaginapagina,
Ol' Purple Knees

Hypoactive sexual desire >\ :[ D=

I have never been the most boy crazy, but for the past few years, it's come more and more to my attention that I am a very asexual person, and over the past few days specifically it's become a really distressing issue for me. I'm not truly asexual and I don't identify myself as being so (usually just "practically asexual"), but I find no dudes attractive. Ever. I probably see a dude who makes me think "HELL I'D HIT IT" about once every month or two (and it's usually a big deal to me and I flip out and tell all my friends because I'm so proud of myself). Actually, I've done this thing to myself a number of times over the past few years where I have found a dude that seems cute enough and then tried to convince myself I liked him because I want to like somebody so dang bad but I just can't. I miss having that excitement in my life, havin a big ol crush on a boi, and even though I have been with a few guys (all of whom pursued me and never the other way around), I have never been able to feel fully connected to them, and it's been extremely frustrating and a source of a lot of guilt for me, since I've been unable to fully return their feelings for me and god knows I want to. I can feel fond and affectionate towards them, yes, but not passionate. I felt more passionate about the dude I had a crush on when I was 13, which is depressing to me. I guess my situation is a lot like trying to be gay when you're straight and vice versa. You can try, but you know you're just foolin' yourself, but I'm just a straight girl trying to be straight, so what gives?!

The other day it dawned on me that I had not had a legit crush since before I started taking birth control around my junior year of high school. I'm going to try a lil experiment this month and see if not taking it helps my situation at all. But I started taking birth control in the first place for PMDD so I'm not really crazy about giving it up at all, plus, well, if this is the answer and I fix my asexual streak, I'm probably gonna want my birth control back for obvious reasons. If this does turn out to be the problem, is there any way to fix it while still taking my birth control? And then when I think about it even harder, like I said, I have never been very boy crazy at all, so what if this is an on-going, life-long problem I've unknowingly had and birth control just aggravates it? Or what if my ADHD medicine has been playing a large part in this? Already makes it nigh impossible to get off at all! What do I do then, since stopping my ADHD meds is 100% NOT optional? I want to get this fixed so badly, I can't even tell you. I'm a cute, stylish 20-year-old girl, and this is the time of my life where I need to be a tiger out there! And not one that's been spayed either! HAYLP ME VAGINA PAGINA!
I'm probably gonna make a doctor's appointment soon to discuss it and possible treatments, but I just wanted to ask, has anybody else ever had this same problem? If so, did you try any kind of remedies or treatments? Did any of them work, and if yes, which ones and how so? Does anybody know of any treatments for hypoactive sexual desire disorder other than therapy? Or maybe anything about the root causes of HSDD? I just haven't really been able to find much satisfying information just Googlin'. So. You know.

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