daisies87 (daisies87) wrote in vaginapagina,

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Problems with Herpes (HSV-1) Stigma

 Hi everyone.  I have a few questions concerning HSV-1 that has been transmitted to the genitals.  First off, I would like to state that I have not been formally diagnosed as I have not have had the sores swapped, as I have had only two outbreaks and I realized after the fact what it probably was.  

My problem:  I have just begun (around two months ago) a relationship with a guy I really like.  When we first become involved, I told him that I have HSV-1 and what that means for him.  I told him that I have only gotten 2 outbreaks in the  5 years that I have had it, and they have been very mild.  He took it very well.  We have not had PIV sex.  

A few weeks ago, he got into a fight with his brother.  He never told me what the fight was about, and I didn't ask because I didn't want to be rude.  Last night, I was going to stay the night at his family's home, which is not unusual (he is 22. I am 20), after a night of drinking.  When we got in, his mom called him downstairs, when he got back he revealed to me what he and his brother had a fight about:  me and my herpes.

It turns out that my boyfriend told his brother in confidence that I had herpes, probably because he needed someone to talk about it with.  His brother did not take it well.  He gave my boyfriend an ultimatum: either he tells his mom, or his brother would (his brother is convinced that my having herpes would effect their whole family).   Not only this, but his brother tells his girlfriend about it.  Up until the fight, his brother had been very kind and nice towards me, and from what I know, he has known about the herpes the whole time.  Now that the mother knows, I am no longer allowed to stay the night.  This is because it makes my boyfriend's brother upset, and their mother is worried about my boyfriend getting herpes.  So last night, my boyfriend's dad drove us to my house, and we stayed the night here.  His father also knows.  Although his parents like me a lot, they are worried about my boyfriend catching herpes, from what I gather though, they will respect his decision if he decides to continue to pursue a relationship with me.  This whole issue has caused such a rift between my boyfriend and his brother that their mom is making them both go see a therapist.    My boyfriend has gone twice, and his brother has only gone once and from what I hear wasn't very positive about the experience.  

As a result of this whole issue, my boyfriend may breakup with me, not because of the herpes itself, but because of the issues related to it (his brother not liking me/calling me slanderous terms, the fact that my boyfriend himself may get herpes, the fact that I can no longer stay the night, etc).  He has reassured me that he does care for me and wants to remain friends, but  I feel like last night he was preparing me for the worst, from what I can tell, it seems like it all relies on whether or not his brother can learn to accept me or not.

My questions are:

In the event that he breaks up with me, what can I do to make myself feel better about myself?  Right now my self esteem is really low, what can I do to bring it back up?  This is an issue that I feel powerless over.   I feel like if my boyfriend breaks up with me, I'll never want to date anyone ever again.  Past boyfriends have taken the herpes situation well, but this experience is becoming traumatic.

Can herpes be transmitted through blood?  Like, if my boyfriend has cuts on his fingers, and fingers me, is he at risk for getting herpes?

How can I cope with this situation at hand?  Is there anything I can do to ease his brother's anxieties about herpes from afar?

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