I've gone to sex therapists, a pelvic pain specialist and various gynos - the sex therapists had either never heard of vaginismus or assumed I must be uneducated and repressed, the pelvic pain specialist said he didn't deal with problems that were 'in people's heads' and the last gyno I went to referred me back to that same pelvic pain specialist and said she won't give me another script for HBC (which I take to regulate my period) unless I got an exam.
My mother thinks that if I take a Valium or something similar before getting an exam, it would stop the muscle spasm and get rid of my anxiety. Then, once I had a few non-painful pelvic exams, the reflex would cease and I would be fine. My last gyno said drugging me wasn't going to help, but never gave any suggestions as to what might (other than to start meditating and take fish oil to stop my obviously intense anxiety about everything; of course I seemed anxious, she only ever saw me when I was sitting on an exam table!).
What do you think? I'm at the end of my rope here. I'm 23 years old and want to take care of myself, but I can't complete a pelvic exam. I've tried doing Kegels and I can't find a sex therapist who would instruct me in the use of dilators and don't think I could do it without help.