I haven't been on LJ in years, but the members of this community were so helpful when I last had a serious relationship issue - I thought I'd reach out again.
My boyfriend and I have known each other since we were 15. We were together in high school. I broke it off during college and had a serious boyfriend during that time. After we returned from college, my relationship ended and my current boyfriend and I reconnected.
It has been two years that we're together. We have lived together for one year. I am a teacher and he is a medical school student.
I love him very much. We are best friends and truly enjoy each other. We talk about where our relationship is going. He has absolutely no doubts ( and says he has never had any) that we are going to be together forever. We have discussed marriage and children.
We have one problem. I have been aware of it always- its always been this way. He never brings it up.
We are hardly ever intimate with each other. We have sex approx. once a month, sometimes once every two months. There is no sexual advances (not even a heart-pumping kiss) between sexual encounters.
Sex only takes place when I initiate. I do not like to be the initiator, so I don't feel that comfortable. Our encounters are short, with minimal touching or noise, and feel a lot like it did when we were starting to have sex at 18.
I go through waves with this. On one hand, he's the most sweet, caring, and selfess person I've ever met. He is my best friend and I love him.
On the other hand, I need to feel like he wants to be with me. In my other serious relationship, the problem was that he was TOO pushy with sex. That had its (obvious) problems- but at least I know what it feels like to have someone initiate and feel like they truly want to be with me.
I feel that our relationship is trapped. I feel like that closeness you get with a sexual partner isn't there. We talk about being together forever but this is always what pops into my mind when the subject arises.
I dont know what to do. He claims that he finds me attractive and thinks about sex more often than we have it. I don't want to sink into another doubtful depression because I dont know if I'll ever be satisfied by him in this area.