riley (rileymw) wrote in vaginapagina,

Intimacy issue

Hello everyone... I have a situation that I'm not sure how to handle, and I'm hoping you guys can give me some suggestions on how to fix this...

My husband and I married six months ago. For religious reasons, we planned on waiting until we were married to have sex, which didn't exactly work out. As much as we tried to wait until our wedding night, we kept having sex, quite a lot, actually, and it was wonderful. However, about five months before our wedding, I woke up one night to my husband trying to have sex with me. I didn't know what to do and was experiencing pain from him fingering me. The next day we talked about it. He apologized profoundly and said he didn't fully realize what he was doing because he was half asleep. He promised me that it wouldn't happen again.

Well here we are nearly a year later, and it's still an issue. Every time it happens, we have this huge conversation about it. He feels terrible for basically molesting me in my sleep and tells me it won't happen again. Sometimes he recalls touching me and sometimes he doesn't. The last time we talked it about it, he was so upset because he had no idea that he was spreading my legs apart while I was sleeping so he could finger me (that was when I woke up).

Is this normal behavior for a guy? Neither of us really understand why he is doing this. I think it might be caused by a lack of sex because he doesn't do this when we have sex on a regular basis (i.e. sex more than once a week). We're not as sexually active as we use to be due to our completely opposite work schedules. It's rare that we have a day to spend more than a couple of hours together. Additionally, I'm struggling with some medical problems and spend most of my time being sick. So we went from being intimate multiple times a day, nearly everyday to once or twice a week. I think if we could increase our sexual frequency, then he would not perform these sexual acts during sleep, but given our time constraints and my health, that's easier said than done.

Also, during the time that we do spend together, my husband is constantly trying to touch my vagina. It doesn't matter what I'm doing, he wants to be touching me and will do it at random times. I'm not sure why, but I have a hard time with this. It just makes me feel... awkward and uncomfortable. We've talked about this too, and it upsets him because he feels like he can't touch his wife and tells me he's trying to be sweet because he loves me and wants to be with me. He also wants me to initiate sex more, and this is also hard for me. I guess I have a difficult time getting in the mood.

I'm starting to think that I'm the weird one because I have a problem with my vagina being touched. Aside from these things, our marriage is really wonderful, but this is becoming a big issue for us. I want to fix it; I just don't know how.

Thanks in advance for your advice.

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