I got fitted for a bra on Tuesday and found out that I'm an H cup instead of the DDD that I was wearing [wow, that would explain the muffintop thing, right?], though my band size hasn't changed at all - I'm still a 48 band. What I'm concerned about is... that even though this is a bigger bra, that things aren't quite "right" in boobland.
When I tried on the 48G, things fit okay, but I still had some quad!boob going on, and so we upsized to a 48H. Everything seemed to fit okay, so we bought the one for a trial run/break-in, like you do to your shoes when they're new. Now, however, I'm ... I'm really not happy with things, and I don't know if it's something that can be fixed or if I just have to suck it up since the boobs are just gigantic anyway.
This is the bra I have, in nude, in a 48H. I know that when you're fitting a bra, you should look for a couple of things - that you don't spill out, that the cups don't wrinkle, and that the center piece lays flat against your sternum.
Well... My center piece doesn't lay flat. It's "suspended" out a good three-five inches, and I don't know if that's okay, or if I need to go up yet another cup size, or what.
I also have some pretty hefty "uni-boob" going on. Basically, a "normal" set of boobies-in-a-bra looks like this, roughly [seen top-down, like you were looking down at your chest]:
or something like that, at least. Sort of curved inwards and then inwards to the sternum and back out again? Mine, though, looks like this:
it goes straight out to the point of the cup, flat ALL the way over to the other cup point, and then down again.
And damn it, uniboobs aren't really sexy. Not to mention that the inner sides of my boobs get a little... unhappy? with rubbing against the other side all day.
But if that wasn't enough, then we get to the shape of the cups themselves.
So ... this is the approximate position of a "typical" person's nipples in a bra:
Where the nipples are in the points of the cup, where all the seams meet. It makes sense for them to rest there, since that's the whole point of a seamed cup, right? Well, I... don't fit that. At all. This is me:
As you can see, my nipples are ~2.5" inward and ~3" down from where they "should" be. I've tried adjusting them into the points, jiggling the bra a little so it settles, everything I can think of to make them fit into the cups, and I just... it's not working and they hurt and I don't know what to think at this point.
I don't know if I need to get a new bra, where I would find said new bra [the specialty store I got the current one at ... the lady said that they didn't carry any more styles that would actually do anything at my size], what it would cost, etc etc blah de blah blah.
I'm also having a lot of issues related to breast size in general, and ties back to this other post I'd made here [BUT CAN'T FIND WHY HAVE YOU DESERTED ME, LJSEEK?] about getting/wanting a breast reduction. Well, I had the consult with the PS, and ...
I was denied. DENIED. "Well, we know you have problems, but you're too fat." == essentially what I was told. I mean... I have a fucking dowager's hump at the age of 25. TWENTY FIVE and I can't stand up straight! I have constant pain from the base of my neck all the way down my spine to about my pant line/waist/ish, I have hellish headaches, my boobs just... are sagging lumps of doom, etc etc. And I was denied. Because of a goddamn fucking NUMBER that they're more concerned about then, you know, my actual health. My bloodwork is completely FINE except for my testosterone, my BP is lower than a lot of "normal weight" people's, and so on and so forth. BUT NO, I don't get the surgery that could make my life so much better because I'm FAT.
And yes, I'm just fucking pissed off. Everyone wants me to lose weight, but I can't work out since I have nothing that fits AND because of the pain due to my large breasts, but I can't get smaller breasts until I lost weight, but and the circle just continues forever. I'm sick of it. I am really fucking sick of it and honestly I am THISCLOSE to just purging after every meal or not eating or jesus fuck I don't even KNOW any more. I'm so depressed, my funk has just been getting worse and worse.
My psych provider put me on Wellbutrin on Thursday to help [in addition to my "regular" regimen] but I don't know if I can wait the six weeks to feel better. I am literally trapped inside a circle that I can never break, and I don't know what the fuck to do about it.
Jesus, I went way off-track. Anyway. I just... I don't know how to convince the surgeon that I need a reduction enough to justify the risks. *sighs* Well, anyway, this entry is long enough.
Thank you in advance for reading all of this.