misssockpuppet (misssockpuppet) wrote in vaginapagina,
misssockpuppet
misssockpuppet
vaginapagina

losing weight?

okay, well this has alot to do with self-image, and i thought that this community could help.
firstly, i am a big girl. i weigh about 200 pounds and i am 5'5" and 19 years old. i'm not unhealthy, just big, but most of it is on my chest. anyway, i have a very loving boyfriend who LOVES how i look, but my constant jealousy is pushing me to lose weight.
i've tried weight watchers before, and succeeded, but tried it twice afterwards and failed because of the struggle to do it at college.
i'm starting to think i have a severe addiction to food.
most of my desire to lose weight is because of my jealousy of girls. my boyfriend is completely trustworthy and loves me to pieces, but he has the skinniest, prettiest friends.
some days i wake up embracing my curves. i probably would love my body if scales didnt exist. but seeing 200 pounds the other day scared me. scared me enough that i cried at the doctors office.
now i know everyone will say "dont weigh yourself" but its become an obsession. i started at 160, promised i wouldnt hit 170, then 180, then 190, and i SWORE, FOREVER i would never hit 200...and look where i am.
i also have very heavy periods and get yeast infections alot which make me insecure sexually and make me feel very...well...un-sexy.

basically, im looking for any help with these fluctuating feelings. i dont have the motivation to try to lose weight and goddamnit, i love food. but i want to love myself. do you think its an outer problem or inner? i just dont know if my jealousy would get better if i lost weight.
i just need some guidance, i feel terrible and worthless right now.
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