I like sex. A lot. And masturbating. But, I don't feel like I'm getting the full experience. I have orgasms, at least I'm pretty sure they're orgasms, but they're not that exciting. I don't know how to explain it. But I'm always jealous of the guys I've slept with because it's so easy for them, and seems so amazing. I've never had an amazing orgasm. I really want to. I think that's part of the problem - that I want it so I think about it, and am trying to hard. I'm 22, had sex for the first time at 17. I've never felt anything good from manual stimulation of any of my parts, and I've never gotten anything out of oral sex. I seriously masturbated for the first time about six months ago, I got a vibrator. I think it's really weird that growing up I never masturbated, or even thought of it. I tried once and a while but could never get anything out of it. I bought the vibe after several months of no sex, it was hard to use at first but I've been working at it...the only way I can orgasm is by laying the vib on the bed and then sitting on top of it and moving my hips. Sometimes I insert it partially in my vagina and keep moving. Laying down doesn't do anything for me, even with the vib. Also I only orgasm from sex when I'm on top. So I'm thinking I get off from the rubbing on my clitoris, but when I or anyone else touches there I don't feel anything, even when I'm super turned on. I've tried lots of different things, different pressures and such, but no luck. I'm worried because I've been on antidepressants since I was 13, and I know that low sex drive can be a side effect - but I don't have a problem getting turned on. I'm worried though that maybe the chemicals eff'd up something in my brain while I was developing or something. I get excited very easily, but just can't seem to figure out how to have an orgasm that's more than just a light sensation. ALSO, every time I have these tiny orgasms, I have to pee like crazy - so even if I want to keep going I have to get up and pee, and by the time i come back i've lost interest and have to start all over again, and then pee again...vicious cycle. The best sex I've ever had was when the guy was wearing a vibrating ring and I was on top. But even then the orgasm didn't impress me much. I'm hoping to start experimenting more with partner toys, I've been away from home for a couple of months and am going back in a little over a week, and I'll be with my boyfriend again. I've been thinking about sex a lot lately. I don't have a vib here and have had some success with using...ehm....a bottle of spray hair gel (the only think I can think of), riding it like i do the vibrator. Me and my boyfriend even had phone sex the other day, I used my bottle - it helped a lot to hear him breathing, but still wasn't that great. I think I need to get to know what I like better, with toys and masturbating and stuff. But i don't have access to anything where I am now. And, the only thing that seems to make me come is "riding" something. It's definitely better with a vibrator than with my bottle, and sometimes sex with a guy is as good as using the vib.
SO, I guess I'm not sure what I'm trying to do by writing here...I'm afraid that my little orgasms are really the real thing and I just have higher expectations, but I really, really, REALLY hope not. I feel like sometimes I have super tiny orgasms, and other times they're stronger (like with the vibe ring), but they've never been mind-blowing. They last about a second, and immediately afterwards I'm no longer turned on and also have to pee.