femalehysteria (femalehysteria) wrote in vaginapagina,
femalehysteria
femalehysteria
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Confusion about Sexual Orientation

Hi everyone. I hope this question is appropriate here. Just an FYI: I'm posting under a sockpuppet account.

I don't really have anyone to turn for this, so I was wondering if anyone could offer me some words of wisdom or advice. It would be very appreciated.

So... I am now aware of feelings that have been latent for a long time. I've come to terms with the fact that I am very interested in women, both sexually and romantically. In the past, whenever these feelings arose, I would suppress them. For example, in the past, my boyfriend has playfully brought up the idea of having a threesome with another woman. Having considered it, I would think, "Gee, that sounds great, as long as he wasn't part of the equation." I've passively expressed attraction to women to him and others, who have responded with displeasure. Shame from this has made me not consider it any further. But now that I am conscious of these feelings, I feel a little liberated but mostly very confused.

These feelings emerged when I was watching a movie that had a lesbian sex scene. (NB: I haven't watched porn in years so girl-on-girl sex is something I haven't seen a lot of.) I was taken aback by how aroused I was by it and have since been fantasizing about women, which is new for me. In the past, I've always tried to fantasize about my boyfriend. Now, the idea of being sexual with a woman, and even in a relationship with one, seems very appealing and exciting. I've developed a visceral urge to be with a woman.

Some background: I have been in a relationship with a man for nearly four years now. We have been in a long-distance relationship for three of these years (we see each other once or twice a month). Our relationship has been sexually unfulfilling for me. He has never made me orgasm. Our sex life is very PIV-centric. Don't get me wrong, we have had good sex, but I am often left needing more (most of the time, after we have sex, I embarrassingly masturbate to orgasm while he plays on the computer). It pains me to say this, but after we're doing having sex, I often feeling used. In general, I am disastifised with certain aspects of our relationship, but I've stuck with him because he's one of the most intelligent people I've ever met and I find that very attractive. I also know he cares a great deal about me.

These newly realized feelings are in a sense upsetting to me because I'm not sure where they've come from. I'm not sure if they're innate, or maybe due to how sexualized women are in our society? Maybe they've come about simply because i'm not sexually fulfilled in my current relationship. I don't know.

All I know is that I have a very strong desire to be with a woman. I want to know if it's right for me. I don't know how to go about doing this. I know that there's a lot of stigma against bisexuals, even from the gay community. I know that lesbians don't want to be treated like some sort of experiment, which is completely understandable. The last thing I want to do is make someone feel used.

This is already "TL;DR" material, sorry. If anyone could provide any insight or advice into my situation, it would mean a lot to me. Thanks. :)

x-posted to sextips
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