Mild and Green and Squeaky Clean (so_much_udder) wrote in vaginapagina,
Mild and Green and Squeaky Clean
so_much_udder
vaginapagina

*actually* coming to terms with your body

Heyyy all. Okay. So I’ve been on this community for a few years now, I’ve looked at the Everyday Bodies Project, read countless posts of people asking whether they’re “normal” or not, and this has helped me on the path to learning to like how I look (my breasts and vulva in particular). This post is about breasts in particular though, since I have learned to appreciate how my vulva is, as it is so uniquely mine, and I do like it. However...my breasts. I’m pretty sure they’re the thing I’ve prayed most consistently about in my life. :P I distinctly remembering doing that every morning in grade 7 when I would shower. I’m 21 now, and although my breasts did get bigger, they never evened out like I wanted them to. One is a C cup and one is halfway between an A and B cup. Certain times, I am okay with them. I don’t know if I’ve ever actively accepted them though. Lately I’ve been having trouble because I feel almost guilty, that I will never (unless they change with pregnancy) be able to give my boyfriend/husband what they might want. I know not every person who’s attracted to females like big breasts. (I don’t even want *big* breasts. I just want them to be the same, or average-sized.) However...this has been on my mind lately, and this post was just sparked by a comment one of my guy friends made about a girl he just started dating, and when talking about what she looked like and how pretty she was, just bluntly ended it with “she has big boobs.” And I just had a wave of insecurity that I’ve been dealing with in the back of my head for the past couple weeks now.

I guess this is just on my mind because I know that my boyfriend is a boob-guy. I mean, he’s said so many times about how he loves my breasts, and he’s very attracted to me...but I feel like even though he might be okay with my breasts, I get the feeling that I could be ‘better’ or he’d find me more attractive if I had larger breasts. All the celebrity women he’s mentioned as being attractive have larger breasts, and one time he made a comment about a certain character on a tv show about how he had always found her attractive, but she got a boob job on the show, and after that he was absolutely sold. So...I kind of have a tendency to just see things negatively, so I’m aware that that could be at play now, but I feel that maybe in the back of his head he might wish I had larger breasts, or at least ones that were the same size. And I’m not asking you guys to speak for him or anything, my main question is just: how did you *actually* learn to truly like your body? I mean, I know you can appreciate every kind of body shape as unique and appreciate it that way, but...I feel I’ll never be able to be confident that someone is actively attracted to my breasts but will rather have to resign themselves to them or like them because ‘they’re mine’ and they love me. Which, of course, is great, but I want someone to like them because they’re hot! If that makes sense. I don’t know how else to express my question...I guess I just keep thinking...no matter how much I come to terms with them, or “love them because they’re mine” they’re still not generally seen as attractive. I also don’t see it as consoling when people say “oh he won’t even care what they look like, he’ll just be thinking ‘yay boobies!’” because it is like, well he doesn’t like them because they’re attractive, just because they’re boobs. I actually find that more depressing.

Does anyone have any encouraging stories of how they’ve gotten over themselves? Or advice on how I can do the same?

This feels silly, all written out. : / Thanks for reading...
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