Goat Friends (frolicnaked) wrote in vaginapagina,
Goat Friends

The (Almost) Superfluous Pregnancy Test

So, I'm having a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy to hopefully diagnose (and maybe even ease) dysmenorrhea and menorrhagia. (There's confirmed adenomyosis and suspected endometriosis. My insides are twelve kinds of fun.) And today, I went to the doctor and hospital for my pre-op consultation and lab tests.

Which included, of course, a pregnancy test. "Of course" because they are going to be rooting around in my reproductive bits with some cameras and probes possibly tiny knives and/or lasers. To test first for uterus occupants makes sense to me.

Now, at any given time, my partner and I are employing at least two if not three forms of contraception. (The Buddy System is our friend, possibly because none of our chosen methods, used alone, give us effectiveness stats that work for us.) Even if we did nothing else but fuck, pregnancy -- over the course of a year -- would be statistically unlikely. The fact that we do other things (work, sleep... I discuss our safer sex practices to an audience of 28,000... etc.) certainly does nothing to raise that risk.

And yet, aside from visiting new-to-me providers, there is no greater medical stressor for me than the "covering our asses bases" pregnancy test. Because, you know, if fate were having a sadistic moment and I did turn out to be pregnant, finding out in a hospital lab room is not the way I'd want to work that. Additionally, my mind jumps to the different ways this result could be in error (trophoblastic tumor, lab mix-up or misreading, my dog slipping fertility drugs to me in my sleep**, etc.).

** Yes, I realize this is highly improbable. My dog quite enjoys being an "only dog." Also, she has no thumbs, which would make giving an injection difficult.

Then I realize that I'm being a bit ridiculous. It's a needle prick and a blood draw -- or, in luckier encounters, some urine in a cup. Odds always very much favor me having nothing to worry about, and there are other test results that are more likely to cause me problems. In the bigger picture, CYA HCG tests make a lot of sense.

But that doesn't mean I'm ever going to enjoy having them done.
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