I'm upset and hurt and I want some advice. I'm posting through my anon account to keep this hidden from friends and the subject of this post, my husband. :-( Can you give me some advice?
I don't know if this is appropriate for this community, but I'm kind of at a loss as to what to do.
We've been together for 5 years but married for 6 months. No kids, happy, stable, etc. We have a great sex life, when we have it (probably once or twice a week). I'm a bit overweight and unhappy with my body but it's not a crushing factor in our lives. Other than this our lives are happy and content.
However, whenever I'm not in the room or sometimes when he thinks I'm busy and not looking at his computer screen, he looks at porn on the net, scantily clad women on the net, sex rooms on the net. I'm not adverse to him watching porn, I enjoy it a lot too, but what bothers me is that he hides it from me. We also live in a country where internet access is expensive and charged at the gigs you use - downloading / streaming videos is REALLY REALLY expensive and this also just seems to go over his head, meaning the bill is very expensive at the end of every month. When I confront him, he either says oh gee I don't know or looks sheepish.
As soon as he thinks I'm watching it he clicks it off and deletes his history. We've spoken about all of this many times before. I've said that it hurts me that he feels the need to hide it, that it makes me feel he's cheating on me somewhat, because he feels the need to hide about it and lie about it, and he's promised to stop or to tell me or something.
Yet he KEEPS DOING IT, despite me telling him how I feel, that it hurts me that he hides it, etc. He does have a much higher sex drive than I do, granted. But like I said, it's not the fact he looks at porn, it's the fact he clicks it off and erases his history and is generally increasingly secretive about it.
What do I do, girls? Can you offer me any words of wisdom, similar experiences? Anything?
I'm sitting here wallowing in my sadness and even though I've spoken to him about this, and we've "resolved" it numerous times, its like the arguments and resolutions just go straight over his head.