Real Like A Plastic Bouquet (glortw) wrote in vaginapagina,
Real Like A Plastic Bouquet
glortw
vaginapagina

questions about my stupid next annual..and fear of exams

soo. last annual, had abnormal pap, got colposcopy, they said "meh it's just what we thought, nothing serious, not cancer, just get a pap in a year." now PP says it's time for my annual again. what will they do when my pap is abnormal AGAIN? i do NOT want to go through another colposcopy.

also, i really really really hate exams. not just like "meh dentist-like annoyance"..but i start crying and refuse to remove my hands from covering my genitals until repeatedly asked if i want to reschedule. i am terrified of anyone, even the clinician, seeing my parts. i still don't let my boyfriend ever do anything to me in the light. how to ever ever get over this? i know that everyone's cooch is different. variety is normal. intellectually, i get this. but to ME, the combination of my huge thighs and my disgusting, huge, gross snatch just..seems like it can't be anything like any doctor has ever seen before. i worry that they will definitely judge me and go home and laugh about me to their husband or whatever. is there any way to feel any better about this besides telling myself "you're normal, everyone has different noonoos"?
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