flyingjay (flyingjay) wrote in vaginapagina,

A "number" problem

A disclaimer: I have to admit that I'm a little nervous to post this here. I think the accountability for our words that this community forces upon people is a WONDERFUL thing, and frankly, I don't have as much practice with it as I'd like. So if I phrase anything in a way that endangers the safe space, please let me know so I can fix it.

I am in the beginning stages of a romantic relationship with a guy who has been one of my best friends for 12 years. He lives across the country from me, so although things are definitely moving away from platonic territory, we are taking it very slowly. I care about him deeply, and if this ends up working out it will be something wonderful, but there's an issue I can't seem to get over: I am completely freaked out by his "high" number of sexual partners.

I can't for the life of me figure out why it bothers me so much. I have had PIV sex before, in relationships and out of them. My number is relatively low for someone my age, I believe, but that's because sex outside of relationships messes with my emotions too much, so I avoid it-- often, I wish that wasn't the case so that I could be more comfortable with casual sex.

A few facts that may or may not be relevant:

-I'm not concerned about STDs. He has tested negative for everything (including herpes) and I've decided that it's worth the risk of contracting HPV

-He hasn't always been very respectful of the girls he's slept with. When we were younger (16 or so), he was actually awful to many of  them, and we fought about it a lot. Since then he's grown up a lot, though. He still occasionally makes some not-so-sex-positive comments, but nothing worse than some other men I've been with, and I know that he's trying to change his views.

That last bit probably has something to do with why I'm so freaked out by his sexual history, but I don't think it accounts for all of it. I hate that I'm being judgmental about something that if a guy were to judge me for, it would be an instant deal breaker. So...any help with how to sort this all out for myself would be much appreciated...
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