Goat Friends (frolicnaked) wrote in vaginapagina,
Goat Friends
frolicnaked
vaginapagina

Once again, the universe aligns in shit-tastic form.

According to my FAM chart, the beginning of my next period coincides with the day I get to make a cross-country holiday plane trip.

Fan.

Fucking.

Tastic.

That was my first thought. My second was literally, "Huh. Guess I'm not going then." Even though the ticket is non-refundable and canceling on my mom is really not an option.

But, I'm also not sure how dealing with my period at airports and in planes is any more of an option. The flow is excessive, to the extent that I spend about 4 days going through 1 menstrual cup and 2 stacked cloth pads per hour. And the pain is excessive, to the extent that it usually involves blacking out, throwing up, and/or sobbing in the fetal position for prolonged periods of time. (The fetal position sobbing is prolonged. The black outs are generally brief. The upchucking is of middling duration.)

The only thing I've found that's ever reduced my pain to a tolerable state is marijuana. And while I can envision many delightful scenarios that involve smuggling weed through multiple airports, in my version, they all inevitably end with TSA and/or federal marshals -- and in real life, I probably don't want to go there.

Anyone have experience with holiday jet-propelled uterus doom?

At this point, I'm thinking there's really not much I can do for pain aside from the usual. Because "the usual" is already pretty extensive, and I'm not going to be able to put a certain amount of that into effect on a crammed-full plane. (See note about fetal position crying for example.)

I am wondering, though, if there's some small (okay, okay, it will be fucktastically large) way to control the bleeding. I am not thrilled by the prospect of crawling over a row of people, sticking my likely already bloody butt near in their faces, bleeding still more while I wait for the bathroom, and returning in the same manner, with a wetbag which I have not yet got Ziploc bag of bloody pads as an added bonus feature. I am even less thrilled by the prospects of repeating this process 5 or 6 times while airborne (though thankfully only 2 or 3 times for each flight) or of turbulence or other delays preventing me from repeating this process the necessary number of times.

The only extra step I can think to take -- besides being sure to "reload" (empty my cup and switch to dry pads) immediately before I board -- would be to add Depends to that. Which strikes me as so very, very wrong. Not because Depends are evil in and of themselves -- even if I'm not sure about the plasticky bits contributing to yeasties and/or chafing -- but because I Should. Not. Have. to concurrently wear four different fluid-collecting products in order to make it through a single day.

I should also not be faced with a scenario where getting a pat-down search from a TSA rep (as invariably happens to me when I fly) is the high note of said day.

EDIT: Please, folks, don't ask about my general medical history. It's not relevant to this particular post because it's not something that can or will be addressed by my health care provider in time for this flight. And it's not something that makes me happy to discuss in detail every time I talk about my uterus.
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