socksnshooz (socksnshooz) wrote in vaginapagina,

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relationship advice requested

hi all. i have actually broken down and created a sockpuppet account just to post this. i normally read/post under my real lj, but this is just an extra measure. mods, feel free to delete if not appropriate, it's just that this is one community i know i can count on for sane, non judging advice. it's why i love it.

will try to make this not tl;dr, but we'll see.
i have been married 3 years and change. my husband lost his job in july. he never filed for unemployment, and fell into some kind of a depression. i've taken him to our gp and our pastor. our gp said he needs to see a psychiatrist as did our pastor. his days/nights are backwards. i fought for six weeks to get him straightened out, and with prozac and restoril he was back on schedule. the gp said to quit the restoril, and then two weeks later, on his own accord, my husband quit the prozac as it made him feel weird. he has never been anything like a 'house-husband' but now all he does is play mafia wars on facebook when he's up and sleep. we have no kids but he barely helps with the dogs. he was, for a while, being a real dick to me. that's pretty much quit, and he's actually usually pretty nice now. but he has made ZERO attempt to get a job and isn't speaking to his mom now either. we cannot live on what i make. even if we could, i don't see how it's okay for him to do NOTHING all the time and i'm somehow suppose to work, pay bills, take care of the house and our animals, and just dittybop along like all is sunshine and bunnies. no f'ing way.

dr says he has depression. i can tell that he did, for quite a while. his mom is battling it now too, and his dad killed himself 16ish years ago. so i am concerned. but lately the past 2 weeks or so, he hasn't seemed depressed to me. shows interest in sex, food, etc., whereas he wasn't before. i am trying so hard to be patient. i just don't know what to do. i try being quiet and supportive, before i tried yelling, now i'm occasionally trying just calm conversation. so far to no avail. i just want him to TRY to get a job and to DO something around the house. maybe i'm asking too much of him right now but this is just too much for me. i'm getting depressed, it seems and i'm just kind of all cried-out, and even scarier, angered-out. it's just too much damn work to be angry. so i've been spending more time at work and other activities, because when i do come home, i don't know why i bother.

i don't share much of this with my friends as it's very personal, but from doing so some say i should leave him. and that's not the space i'm in right now. i don't see how that would help. i can't exactly punish him, but encouragement isn't working either.  i don't know what i'm more concerned about, the financial spiral down (we're so freaking broke) or the distance i can see growing between us. i've talked about this to my pastor as well (we've been 3 times in six weeks) but before i was more centered on helping him. not me.

there's probably a lot of questions i've left unanswered here in my ramblings so please feel free to ask. i'm just so sad and disappointed by this/his behaviour. i know that depression is a disease, but i don't know how to handle his/this. i know he can't 'just snap out of it' and we talked yesterday about $$$ and i really hoped he'd get the picture. yet i came home again today to him having done absolutely nothing, besides internet and feed dogs.

any thoughts at all are so greatly appreciated.

eta: thanks to all responses. you have all given me much food for thought.
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