may_third (may_third) wrote in vaginapagina,

Placebo week psychological effects

:'( Sorry for posting two days in a row but this is less of a positive post.

Whenever I have my placebo week I turn into a horrible, moody, bitchy, possessive, crying, LYING mess. I need attention and do whatever I can to get it, and I'm not AT ALL like this when I'm on my active pills. Completely different person, it seems. I feel like that isn't normal. I need attention from my boyfriend and parents especially. I just lied to my mom and told her I'd been throwing up when I haven't, I HAVE been sick for the past few days, and nauseous, but haven't thrown up. I've had swollen lymph nodes, headache, body ache, flu symptoms.

I ALWAYS get sick when I have my period/withdrawal bleed. What the hell? Does this happen to other people??! :(

I just continued the lie to my boyfriend because I found out he went to a party at this guy's house that he told me he didn't want to go to, where there are a lot of girls AND guys that have the hots for him and are constantly invading his personal space...touching his crotch (over his pants) and telling him they want to have sex with him.

I don't know why I lied about this! Am I a psychopath? There is something seriously wrong with lying about dumb things like this. I never do it when I feel myself. When I have these hormone withdrawals, though, for lack of better terminology, I FREAK THE F!@# OUT. ABOUT EVERYTHING. And nothing!

I feel really bad that I lied, I don't understand it at all when I have flashes or rationality. I love my boyfriend DEARLY and we have a wonderful relationship and I've never lied to him about anything at all except this.

Me being hormonal=me reacting to him going out when he said he wasn't going to, especially to this kid Jordan's house who has a crush on him and makes sexual advances towards him that neither I nor him are comfortable with!
I am REALLY unhappy right now, haven't been the same these past two days of the start of my placebo week...I am a horrible awful person when I'm like this. I get so down on myself and can't fathom why I would lie about the most POINTLESS thing in the world just because I get neurotic when I withdraw from the hormones and can't take not being payed attention to for 5 minutes


What do I do? Should I tell him I lied? I feel so embarrassed about it because it's something that doesn't even matter and causes him unnecessary worry for me. I would be humiliated telling him I lied but I feel like I deserve it. I hate myself when I'm like this. I haven't cried for a month and I just bawled my eyes out over practically nothing. The insecure hormonally imbalanced monster side of me is rearing it's ugly head, and I'm HATING it.
Should I stack my pills to keep this from happening?
See a doctor? A psychologist? I don't know what to do about this. When I get the hormones back in my system I go back to my normal, happy self.

I guess I should add that a year ago my doctors wanted to put me on Prozac because of my psychological PMS symptoms I experienced before my period...But I didn't want that so I said no and they let me try Yaz for PMDD. It worked like a charm but I can't afford it anymore.

:( What would you do?
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