7:20 pm - 06/11/2014

Can't cum from a man.

I hope this is an ok topic area to be posting about. Basically I have never been able to come through penetrative or oral sex with a man. I can very easily on my man. I have very precisely instructed guys what to do and it still doesn't work. I still enjoy the sex a lot and I feel really relaxed so I don't know what the problem is. Does anyone else have this issue? I can tell it makes my Boyfriend feel quite crap because he thinks he's not doing a good job, when he is.
lecabinet 11th-Jun-2014 07:09 pm (UTC)
Yeah, this is a v v common thing. Can you have an orgasm on your own? And you tell your partner exactly what to do exactly as you would do it? Not unusual to have different results.
Perversely, the more of a problem your partner sees it as, the more pressure it puts on you, and the less likely it is that you'll orgasm.
slinkslowdown 11th-Jun-2014 07:17 pm (UTC)
It's definitely common.

I've never had another person make me orgasm, but can get myself there easily.
sky_blue_pink 12th-Jun-2014 01:45 am (UTC)
This! I definitely need the inner monologue/fantasy, or it's never going to happen. :)
makale_83 12th-Jun-2014 01:35 am (UTC)
Yep same problem. Never been able to do it, I just pretend b/c I still am satisfied with the contact most of the time. :) Sometimes I break out the vibrator to "help them out" if I am not feeling satisfied w/ just the contact though.
sky_blue_pink 12th-Jun-2014 01:48 am (UTC)
Have you tried using a vibrator? Sometimes I find that helps me, because...vibrators don't get tired or distracted (as I sometimes do when I'm trying to stimulate myself to orgasm during parnered sex. :P). The first couple times I came from penetrative sex, it was with the help of a vibrator, and then once I got "used to" the experience of orgasms from partnered sex, eventually I was able to do it with just my fingers. Now I alternate depending on what kind of orgasm I'm in the mood for. :) So that might be a place to start!
archangelbeth 12th-Jun-2014 03:21 am (UTC)
Another thing to take into account -- how long have you ever been with someone, practicing? Because it took years before I could get reliable climaxes with my spouse. (Now? Pretty much 99% of the time if I'm not too tired/hungry/needing to pee/stressed out...)

So long as you're having fun, tell Boyfriend to keep trying, but not obsess over it, because it takes practice on both sides. He can just owe you a lot for whenever y'all figure out how to make things work out.

(Does he try fingering? How about fingering/oral and using, say, a vibrator? there are many things to try! Hopefully ones that are fun to try, at that...)

svexsal 12th-Jun-2014 05:09 am (UTC)
I can only orgasm during penetration if I'm stimulating my clit at the same time.
Otherwise, it only happens in foreplay or postplay, either of which I'm fine with.
mariah00 12th-Jun-2014 03:40 pm (UTC)
It took years with my first serious BF to orgasm purely from his actions. But even that wasn't consistent. A couple others could only get me there after long sessions with both tongue and fingers. It again took years to be able to regularly orgasm from PiV with my husband. There were a couple pleasant surprises in the early months but still pretty hit-or-miss. I think it's partly due to aging and getting closer to women's "sexual prime" and both of us figuring out what works and doesn't work.
Your boyfriend needs reassurance that he doesn't *have* to make you orgasm in order to enjoy being intimate. Taking the pressure off him to "perform" will help you both. I know your post said you're telling him that, but that's a lot of ingrained pressure you're trying to counteract.
Have fun and good luck!
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