In my 6 years of being sexually active I have never once cum during PIV sex. From all the things I have read I understand that this is unfortunately, not uncommon. I can get myself off by clit stimulation and if my partner actually tries by stimulating my clit I can get off that way as well. So I guess it's not entirely that I CAN'T cum it's just that it takes a little more time than I guess some would like. In my past 4 year relationship he didn't care AT ALL about my pleasure during sex but because I was a virgin before him and he was my first I thought that's just how sex was. After finding out he was a cheating a-hole the whole time we were together, I left and started a friends with benefits relationship with two different guys for 3years (Not at the same time) both of them tried and cared that I had never been pleased the right way but in the end I wasn't comfortable enough to let myself relax with them plus they both saw it as a challenge which put a lot of pressure on me and just wasnt working for me. Now I've been with the same guy for over a year and a half. At first it was a long distance relationship for a year and four months and only for the past 3 months has he been home (for good- he is military) so the sex has definitely been different since before it was the "I'm so excited to see you, I can't get enough of you" type thing. Well, out of all the times we have hadsex (since he's been back) he has actually TRIED (and succeeded) to make me cum twice. Other than that there's about 2 minutes of foreplay and he's inside of me. Occasionally he'll touch my clit like it's some magic button but he doesn't spend time there and unfortunately it takes time of constant stimulation to get me off. Let me add, he DOES know how to get me off. It just takes time.
Lately, I have been feeling very resentful that he gets to cum every time we have sex but I never get that pleasure. I'm always left feeling like "that was it?" And just like I'm unhappy with the sex. I realize that he is being selfish and I realize that all I can do is talk to him. But I guess I'm having an issue with what to say. I dont want to hurt his feelings because I know this isn't his top performance. The sex before was hands down best I've ever had. i also realize theres a lot of changes going on so maybe that's why our sex life is suffering. I've tried telling him many times that I feel like our sex has gotten lazy lately and he agrees but never does anything about it. I'm usually one to initiate it every day but lately I don't even want to initiate it because I know that I'm left disappointed in the end. So why bother. I guess I just need some advice on what to say. I don't want to hurt his feelings but I'm feeling pretty unsatisfied lately and I feel an important part of a relationship is to communicate no matter what. Like I said, I know that he knows how to get me off but it's like he doesn't want to put that work into it.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.
Also - he's not the only one that "has" to get you off - you can do it too!! If you need to touch yourself or use a toy - DO IT! My SO can rarely get me off on his own so I use toys or pleasure myself while we're having sex - I'm the pro at it, why leave it up to him?
Thanks!
--alex
for the VP Team
I don't find it unfortunate, myself. I can't orgasm from tongue stimulation alone, but I don't find it unfortunate, just not a type of sex I orgasm from. There are so many other ways, but even that aside, you DO know what works for you and that's fortunate.
"it takes a little more time than I guess some would like."
I'm not sure how easy it would be to orgasm if you feel pressured by time and a partner. That sounds like a recipe for not finishing. If a partner gets impatient, then they need to learn...a bit about sex not always being fun when it's turned into a one-goal focused experience instead of about mutual enjoyment.
How about telling him how it makes you feel-resentful? His penis needs stimulation just like your clitoris, right? You could mention that not getting sufficient stimulation for your clitoris would be like only sometimes letting his thrusting penis into your vagina. I doubt he'd think that too fun :p
2 minutes foreplay seriously ? :/ some people may like it this way, then more power to them, but I know for me, penetration would not even be POSSIBLE after such a short time... (just like penises need to get hard, vaginas need to get flushed with blood in order to make penetration easy and more enjoyable).
OP, note that if you don't educate your partner, unfortunately no one will. If you can't talk to him in a direct manner, or show him what to do, how about looking for educational books or documentaries ? I think there's one named "the clitoris" that's pretty good. I really hope for your sake that once he's educated, he'll start caring more about your pleasure. Because from what you are saying, I totally understand why you'd feel frustrated.
Like others have said, it shouldn't really matter whether you come before, during or after PIV, if there is PIV at all, which is also not a necessity. (Something to think about : how about giving each other pleasure with your hands and mouths for a while? Just so you both learn how it all works ?). It also shouldn't matter all that much if you don't come every single time... but you know... some equity sounds like a good idea, given how you're feeling. Definitely dont suppress those feelings just so you can avoid a mildly uncomfortable conversation. Chances are he didn't even realise how you felt, and will be happy to oblige once he knows all that.
yes!