[Other] - Real Life - Buddy noob_alchemist
1:06 am - 09/06/2012

Boyfriend repeatedly poked/jabbed urethra with his finger during sex, it's been hurting for hours
My boyfriend was attempting to stimulate my clit while we were having sex. It was uncomfortable, so I moved his hand away. About a minute later he put it back, so after a few seconds I moved it away again. Again, after about a minute he put it back. I tried to move it away again, but he wouldn't remove it this time. I put up with the pain for probably between 30 seconds & a minute before trying to move his hand away again. I was about to tell him to stop when I just kinda blurted out "Ow!" without meaning to. He right away removed his hand and I started crying, he right away asked if I was ok and whatnot. A few minutes later I told him I think he was poking my urethra.

So, yes. That was about 13 hours ago and it still hurts. Will I be ok? Should I go to a doctor if the pain doesn't go away within a day or so? What should I do? The pain isn't intense, it's like a mild pain that's kinda sore at the same time.
Lend a hand
goldfoil 6th-Sep-2012 06:38 am (UTC)
Hiya, That sounds uncomfortable but I don't think it will warrant a trip to the doctors. It probably is a bit bruised and tender.

What I really want to bring up though is a clear lack of respect from your boyfriend in this. You kept indicating he wasn't to touch you there, and yet he kept doing it! This is not respecting the boundary you had. Yanno, even if I was having consensual sex with my partner, if they kept doing something even after I've indicated I don't want them to.. guess what.. I'm not consenting to that. Has this sort of thing come up before? Have you felt like you've had to ask him several times or start crying before he stops doing something?
gloraelin 6th-Sep-2012 07:32 am (UTC)
Thank you for addressing the BF/consent thing in a way that I couldn't. I wanted to comment on that but I couldn't figure out how to word it gently [long long day, etc], and figured someone in this wonderful community would be able to bring it up.
muzik_love 6th-Sep-2012 10:03 am (UTC)
i third all of this.
operatic_diva 6th-Sep-2012 10:30 am (UTC)
All of this. Not respecting boundaries is a big red flag for me.
debauchedmind 6th-Sep-2012 03:07 pm (UTC)
You could tell him that if you try to stop him from doing something, it's because it hurts or is uncomfortable and you would appreciate it if he would ask before trying it again...and if this is an ongoing thing, I think you may want to try and get some support from a therapist or something, if you're in college they may have a women's center or a free therapy center. But I think you should address it to him, when you're not having sex, and within in the next day.

Whenever I have soreness caused by sex, it will normally clear up in a day or so, it'll heal faster if you don't have sex or do anything else that would be "rough" on tender areas. Try rinsing with cool water and that will probably help :)
owl_eyes_4ever 6th-Sep-2012 06:50 am (UTC)
If it's just kind of sore and tender in that area and it doesn't burn when you pee, I wouldn't worry about it too much. However, since you think he was poking your urethra, you may want to take some precautions against a UTI. Drink a lot of cranberry juice and...uh, whatever else. Idk what that would be, tbh, I've never had one.

Your boyfriend ignoring your clear signals to GTFO seems like a much more serious concern. He may have just really, really wanted to pleasure you and wanted to try really hard, but he was disrespecting your boundaries aaaand that shit's not okay.

But addressing just your initial question: give it a bit more time and see how it feels. Just be careful for awhile, maybe don't have sex 'til it feels better.
gloraelin 6th-Sep-2012 07:29 am (UTC)
Lots of water and possibly some sitz baths [about a cupful of epsom salts in a warm bathtub, and then sit in it for a while -- I bring books, candles, and chocolate...] should help soothe the irritation as well. Keep an eye on your temperature and your frequency of urination. It should start to feel better in a couple of days.
silverpoet01 6th-Sep-2012 12:47 pm (UTC)
This.
velkoria 6th-Sep-2012 02:15 pm (UTC)
This. I wish I could comment more on the bf issue but I don't want to fall victim of anger toward your man and make you feel bad in the process.
noob_alchemist 7th-Sep-2012 06:19 am (UTC)
He was trying really, really hard to pleasure me. We've both been crazy busy with forced overtime the past few monthes and it just recently ended and, well, we haven't had sex since the overtime started. So since he knew he was only going to last a few minutes, he was trying really hard to make it good for me, too. He just, well, missed my clit and was being stubborn about trying to stimulate it. Usually when he tries and I don't like it, I move his hand away & he doesn't put it back. Afterwards, when we were dressed, I told him that when I put my hand on his wrist while his hand is down there, I want him to stop. I actually told him that multiple times, I accidentally made him feel worse than he already did. But it got the point across.

But back to the reason for my post, it's either stopped hurting or is hurting less. I really only notice it when I think about it. I thought it was bleeding a little bit today, but a few hours later my period started. I think I'm (hopefully) fine.
makale_83 8th-Sep-2012 03:40 pm (UTC)
Next time that happens, stop him and say "My clit is here" and put his hand where your clit is. If he still doesn't do it right just ask him to stop. Some guys are just really dense and don't get the "move your hand away" thing. lol
killertatertots 10th-Sep-2012 03:19 am (UTC)
yeah, clearly state it out loud if he is the type that does not understand gestures.
evilnel 6th-Sep-2012 03:24 pm (UTC)
I'd keep an eye on it but it will probably be okay. If it still hurts in a day or two (especially if urination is painful) I'd go to a doctor. As others have said, your boyfriend's lack of respect for your boundaries concerns me. It sounds like maybe he didn't understand and being more verbal with him could help, but if he tends to cross your boundaries it might be more serious and there are plenty of resources (as others have pointed out) that you can find to talk to somebody about this. Non-verbal cues are still valid and he should have checked in with you. I'm sorry you are in pain.
Lend a hand
This page was loaded May 21st 2013, 5:09 pm GMT.