Behind the cut for some uncomfortable molestation-related stuff.
I'm nineteen, and live in Canada. I've been on the Nuva Ring for a year now, on account of having a completely unreliable period (it would happen after 2 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 weeks, 1 week, 8 weeks, etc.) and have been sexually active with one partner for 10 months (my boyfriend of two years. Both of us were virgins, and have had no other genital to genital contact with anyone else. Disease and infection free.) We're committed to one another for the long term, and are just looking to get a little further in school (I'm midway through my degree) and careers (my boyfriend has a degree already) and looking into securing a place to live (investing in a property), then plan to be engaged and eventually married.
Last week, I went to my GP to get my prescription renewed. They had no space in the schedule to give me a physical until September, so it was just to renew my prescription. She gave me a prescription until September, and told me that I would be obligated to get a pelvic exam at my next physical, or she would no longer prescribe me any form of birth control no matter my issue.
I was never told when she originally offered me birth control that I would be obligated to have a yearly pelvic exam. I've always been told that while it's good to start pelvic exams as soon as one is sexually active, that the recommended age has been 21 (or at least in the states.)
I was molested several times by another female peer when I was eleven. The situation in which this occurred was very much like an 'inspection' of my body (strangely similar to the pelvic exam set up. On my back type thing) there was also a lot of criticism of my physical appearance in that region. Suffice to say, I am very uncomfortable talking about it, and have not sought therapy for it because I emotionally don't feel ready to talk to just anyone about this. I recently told my boyfriend, who was completely understanding (and absolutely livid that I should have ever had to experience something like that). As we had no sexual experience prior to each other, we've done a lot of learning together, and while I did allow him to go down on me a couple of times for the sake of experiencing it, the discomfort and distress I felt while under 'scrutiny' and being on my back was absolutely unbearable. I've burst into tears during it, although at the time he had no idea why, and straight out refused it under the guise of 'not enjoying it'. Recently, after this appointment with my doctor and explaining to him why I am so uncomfortable to have this procedure done, he asked to try going down on me again. It wasn't that he was terrible at it, because he really isn't, I just held it together barely and finally broke down into tears and hyperventilating.
We've had an incidence of breast cancer in our family, but no cervical cancer anywhere, and not even false positives. I am disease free, as is my boyfriend, and we use condoms along with the Nuva Ring (having only gone without a condom once.) I am EXTREMELY uncomfortable to have a woman put me in that same position again, and would experience incredible distress. Even with someone I trust implicitly (my boyfriend) the discomfort I feel is traumatizing. I told my doctor that I am extremely uncomfortable and distressed about the exam, but she reiterated that she would refuse me a prescription if I didn't undergo it.
I understand that some might say 'well, if you're not ready to undergo a pelvic exam then you're not ready for sex/birth control' but in my defense, I've been raised by a family in health care and was never told that in order to have birth control you require a pelvic exam, and the doctor never said this to me either. I am not emotionally capable of undergoing this exam at this point in time, and I wanted to know if anyone has experience in this or if there are any other alternatives.
Thank you so, so much.
Edit: Thank you to everyone who responded so quickly. I feel like I'm battling the system on this one, and it's very frightening and distressing. I can't thank you all enough for your advice and kind words.
I'm nineteen, and live in Canada. I've been on the Nuva Ring for a year now, on account of having a completely unreliable period (it would happen after 2 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 weeks, 1 week, 8 weeks, etc.) and have been sexually active with one partner for 10 months (my boyfriend of two years. Both of us were virgins, and have had no other genital to genital contact with anyone else. Disease and infection free.) We're committed to one another for the long term, and are just looking to get a little further in school (I'm midway through my degree) and careers (my boyfriend has a degree already) and looking into securing a place to live (investing in a property), then plan to be engaged and eventually married.
Last week, I went to my GP to get my prescription renewed. They had no space in the schedule to give me a physical until September, so it was just to renew my prescription. She gave me a prescription until September, and told me that I would be obligated to get a pelvic exam at my next physical, or she would no longer prescribe me any form of birth control no matter my issue.
I was never told when she originally offered me birth control that I would be obligated to have a yearly pelvic exam. I've always been told that while it's good to start pelvic exams as soon as one is sexually active, that the recommended age has been 21 (or at least in the states.)
I was molested several times by another female peer when I was eleven. The situation in which this occurred was very much like an 'inspection' of my body (strangely similar to the pelvic exam set up. On my back type thing) there was also a lot of criticism of my physical appearance in that region. Suffice to say, I am very uncomfortable talking about it, and have not sought therapy for it because I emotionally don't feel ready to talk to just anyone about this. I recently told my boyfriend, who was completely understanding (and absolutely livid that I should have ever had to experience something like that). As we had no sexual experience prior to each other, we've done a lot of learning together, and while I did allow him to go down on me a couple of times for the sake of experiencing it, the discomfort and distress I felt while under 'scrutiny' and being on my back was absolutely unbearable. I've burst into tears during it, although at the time he had no idea why, and straight out refused it under the guise of 'not enjoying it'. Recently, after this appointment with my doctor and explaining to him why I am so uncomfortable to have this procedure done, he asked to try going down on me again. It wasn't that he was terrible at it, because he really isn't, I just held it together barely and finally broke down into tears and hyperventilating.
We've had an incidence of breast cancer in our family, but no cervical cancer anywhere, and not even false positives. I am disease free, as is my boyfriend, and we use condoms along with the Nuva Ring (having only gone without a condom once.) I am EXTREMELY uncomfortable to have a woman put me in that same position again, and would experience incredible distress. Even with someone I trust implicitly (my boyfriend) the discomfort I feel is traumatizing. I told my doctor that I am extremely uncomfortable and distressed about the exam, but she reiterated that she would refuse me a prescription if I didn't undergo it.
I understand that some might say 'well, if you're not ready to undergo a pelvic exam then you're not ready for sex/birth control' but in my defense, I've been raised by a family in health care and was never told that in order to have birth control you require a pelvic exam, and the doctor never said this to me either. I am not emotionally capable of undergoing this exam at this point in time, and I wanted to know if anyone has experience in this or if there are any other alternatives.
Thank you so, so much.
Edit: Thank you to everyone who responded so quickly. I feel like I'm battling the system on this one, and it's very frightening and distressing. I can't thank you all enough for your advice and kind words.
i was just saying what i think would be best for her but its obviously her choice at the end of the day its just that in my experience i would have never sought help if someone hadnt said to me that i NEED it and to me it seems like the OP would benifit greatly if he were to get this off her chest to someone she can feel comfortable talking to like her psychotherapist who helped her dissociation.
i wasnt trying to force her to do anything. just stating my opinion and my opinion is that if someone has something that is destructively impacting their life and they havent processed it in a healthy way, eventually it is going to turn into something a lot worse and harder to deal with later on so its best to talk about it to someone she can trust before it eats her alive you know? im not sure if uve ever been abused/raped/etc. the first key to recovery is admitting you have a problem and the second is to seek help and proccess it, so i think therapy can greatly benefit her especially because she said her therapist has helped with her dissiociation which i also suffer from and its not an easy fix, ill tell you that much. its so hard to find good mental help these days that when u find a good one i feel like you really do need to stick with them and work as hard as you can on what is most troubling you. the OP also has her own opinion and she doesnt have to listen to mine if she doesnt want to, i was just trying to help and relate.
i wasnt trying to sound pushy or all knowing or anything like that, im just trying to help. sorry if i used a few words you "and the rest of the community" dont like but you know what, sometimes people really do NEED to be told that they NEED to seek help. im not saying that this is the perfect example for that but not talking about such a serious issue wont solve anything so talking about it (i think) will greatly benefit the OP considering she seems to have a good connection with her psychotherapist to begin with.
i dont want to start any controversy or drama in this community and especially not on this thread because the OP posted for help, not to read people attacking other people's comments because i used a word you dont like.
to the op, im so sorry for you having to deal with this drama i really didnt intent to start anything i was just caught up in the moment and i felt like i knew a little how you feel so i told you what helped me and i really was not trying to sound pushy or anything like that! take it at your own pace but as i said before, talking about such a serious issue really is pretty important if you ever do want to get over it its going to be really hard if you dont but yea im just going to stop typing now because its obvious im not very well liked in this community right now lol
good luck with everything *hugs*