Behind the cut for some uncomfortable molestation-related stuff.
I'm nineteen, and live in Canada. I've been on the Nuva Ring for a year now, on account of having a completely unreliable period (it would happen after 2 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 weeks, 1 week, 8 weeks, etc.) and have been sexually active with one partner for 10 months (my boyfriend of two years. Both of us were virgins, and have had no other genital to genital contact with anyone else. Disease and infection free.) We're committed to one another for the long term, and are just looking to get a little further in school (I'm midway through my degree) and careers (my boyfriend has a degree already) and looking into securing a place to live (investing in a property), then plan to be engaged and eventually married.
Last week, I went to my GP to get my prescription renewed. They had no space in the schedule to give me a physical until September, so it was just to renew my prescription. She gave me a prescription until September, and told me that I would be obligated to get a pelvic exam at my next physical, or she would no longer prescribe me any form of birth control no matter my issue.
I was never told when she originally offered me birth control that I would be obligated to have a yearly pelvic exam. I've always been told that while it's good to start pelvic exams as soon as one is sexually active, that the recommended age has been 21 (or at least in the states.)
I was molested several times by another female peer when I was eleven. The situation in which this occurred was very much like an 'inspection' of my body (strangely similar to the pelvic exam set up. On my back type thing) there was also a lot of criticism of my physical appearance in that region. Suffice to say, I am very uncomfortable talking about it, and have not sought therapy for it because I emotionally don't feel ready to talk to just anyone about this. I recently told my boyfriend, who was completely understanding (and absolutely livid that I should have ever had to experience something like that). As we had no sexual experience prior to each other, we've done a lot of learning together, and while I did allow him to go down on me a couple of times for the sake of experiencing it, the discomfort and distress I felt while under 'scrutiny' and being on my back was absolutely unbearable. I've burst into tears during it, although at the time he had no idea why, and straight out refused it under the guise of 'not enjoying it'. Recently, after this appointment with my doctor and explaining to him why I am so uncomfortable to have this procedure done, he asked to try going down on me again. It wasn't that he was terrible at it, because he really isn't, I just held it together barely and finally broke down into tears and hyperventilating.
We've had an incidence of breast cancer in our family, but no cervical cancer anywhere, and not even false positives. I am disease free, as is my boyfriend, and we use condoms along with the Nuva Ring (having only gone without a condom once.) I am EXTREMELY uncomfortable to have a woman put me in that same position again, and would experience incredible distress. Even with someone I trust implicitly (my boyfriend) the discomfort I feel is traumatizing. I told my doctor that I am extremely uncomfortable and distressed about the exam, but she reiterated that she would refuse me a prescription if I didn't undergo it.
I understand that some might say 'well, if you're not ready to undergo a pelvic exam then you're not ready for sex/birth control' but in my defense, I've been raised by a family in health care and was never told that in order to have birth control you require a pelvic exam, and the doctor never said this to me either. I am not emotionally capable of undergoing this exam at this point in time, and I wanted to know if anyone has experience in this or if there are any other alternatives.
Thank you so, so much.
Edit: Thank you to everyone who responded so quickly. I feel like I'm battling the system on this one, and it's very frightening and distressing. I can't thank you all enough for your advice and kind words.
I'm nineteen, and live in Canada. I've been on the Nuva Ring for a year now, on account of having a completely unreliable period (it would happen after 2 weeks, 6 weeks, 3 weeks, 1 week, 8 weeks, etc.) and have been sexually active with one partner for 10 months (my boyfriend of two years. Both of us were virgins, and have had no other genital to genital contact with anyone else. Disease and infection free.) We're committed to one another for the long term, and are just looking to get a little further in school (I'm midway through my degree) and careers (my boyfriend has a degree already) and looking into securing a place to live (investing in a property), then plan to be engaged and eventually married.
Last week, I went to my GP to get my prescription renewed. They had no space in the schedule to give me a physical until September, so it was just to renew my prescription. She gave me a prescription until September, and told me that I would be obligated to get a pelvic exam at my next physical, or she would no longer prescribe me any form of birth control no matter my issue.
I was never told when she originally offered me birth control that I would be obligated to have a yearly pelvic exam. I've always been told that while it's good to start pelvic exams as soon as one is sexually active, that the recommended age has been 21 (or at least in the states.)
I was molested several times by another female peer when I was eleven. The situation in which this occurred was very much like an 'inspection' of my body (strangely similar to the pelvic exam set up. On my back type thing) there was also a lot of criticism of my physical appearance in that region. Suffice to say, I am very uncomfortable talking about it, and have not sought therapy for it because I emotionally don't feel ready to talk to just anyone about this. I recently told my boyfriend, who was completely understanding (and absolutely livid that I should have ever had to experience something like that). As we had no sexual experience prior to each other, we've done a lot of learning together, and while I did allow him to go down on me a couple of times for the sake of experiencing it, the discomfort and distress I felt while under 'scrutiny' and being on my back was absolutely unbearable. I've burst into tears during it, although at the time he had no idea why, and straight out refused it under the guise of 'not enjoying it'. Recently, after this appointment with my doctor and explaining to him why I am so uncomfortable to have this procedure done, he asked to try going down on me again. It wasn't that he was terrible at it, because he really isn't, I just held it together barely and finally broke down into tears and hyperventilating.
We've had an incidence of breast cancer in our family, but no cervical cancer anywhere, and not even false positives. I am disease free, as is my boyfriend, and we use condoms along with the Nuva Ring (having only gone without a condom once.) I am EXTREMELY uncomfortable to have a woman put me in that same position again, and would experience incredible distress. Even with someone I trust implicitly (my boyfriend) the discomfort I feel is traumatizing. I told my doctor that I am extremely uncomfortable and distressed about the exam, but she reiterated that she would refuse me a prescription if I didn't undergo it.
I understand that some might say 'well, if you're not ready to undergo a pelvic exam then you're not ready for sex/birth control' but in my defense, I've been raised by a family in health care and was never told that in order to have birth control you require a pelvic exam, and the doctor never said this to me either. I am not emotionally capable of undergoing this exam at this point in time, and I wanted to know if anyone has experience in this or if there are any other alternatives.
Thank you so, so much.
Edit: Thank you to everyone who responded so quickly. I feel like I'm battling the system on this one, and it's very frightening and distressing. I can't thank you all enough for your advice and kind words.
I actually thought about a male gyno, but not even my boyfriend who I trust immensely can convince me to feel comfortable in that position, and to not experience immense amounts of distress. I figure if I can't feel comfortable with him, how would I be comfortable with another person, regardless of gender. Thanks for the thought though :)
At this point, I've realized that to be a healthy adult it's something that I need to address. My mother knew that something odd had happened when I was a child, but brushed it under the rug, and I've lived with that need to hide anything that wasn't 'acceptable' for a very long time. It continues to impact me today, and it was the reason why I've only just recently been able to speak to my boyfriend about it fully. It's my plan to see my psychologist regarding this issue as soon as feasibly possible.
I have some mental trauma due to a close sister-like friend attempting to commit suicide late last year. I actually saw my psychologist for problems with disassociation due to emotional trauma, and she was very helpful. I no longer disassociate, and trust that if I brought these issues to her that she would deal with them tactfully and helpfully.
<3
It was another one of my peers, but it was a very manipulative and warped situation, which is why my mother blew it off as not a series thing and more a couple of kids 'playing doctor' later than they usually would. I was controlled by it, manipulated, and made to feel ashamed, and for a long time I wouldn't acknowledge that I was molested and thought it wasn't serious. It was my boyfriend who when told exactly what happened just gave me the biggest hug and apologized that I had been 'molested'. I didn't even have a word for it until he said it. I realize that the other girl wasn't meaning to harm me, but it wasn't just a silly situation, it was truly molestation and while I've forgiven her and don't blame her, I know that I have to deal with the impact it had on me now.
Thank you so much, again :)
Edited at 2012-06-26 09:09 pm (UTC)
I cried during sex recently when we tried to recreate that tense feeling and see if he could ease it, and I've cried other times, and my boyfriend is a great/selfless guy. He just held me till I stopped crying and then attempted to force-feed me half a jar of peanut butter off a spoon to see if it'd make me happier (he means well, and equates food to feeling better. It was a very sweet gesture haha)
Don't ever feel bad for saying stop. I've come to realize that after having your power over your own body taken away, it's important to take it back, and your significant other should be on board for that. For me there were simple things I needed to know that I had some control. I needed to be able to initiate sex some of the time, I needed to be able to take control during sex, to talk, to cry, to say what I wanted, and to say no just because I felt like it. My boyfriend has always been great about it, and celebrates with me every time I face a fear and succeed, or do something that I was once uncomfortable with but am now capable of doing. Your decisions, bad or good, don't negate the fact that someone treated you that way. I could have shouted or asked for help or said no/reacted physically to the situation, but I didn't. That doesn't mean it's my fault or that I liked it, and the same goes for you.