1:01 pm - 05/18/2012

Letting him ejaculate inside me.

Hey VP,

I recently started a new relationship with a great guy, and he wants to cum inside me. In my previous long term relationship, the guy just always pulled out even though I was on the pill, so I guess I just got used to never having it in there. I'm a little put off by the idea for some reason, so I guess I'm here to ask if it's really safe to let him do it inside me if I take my pill properly every day? Is the risk of pregnancy like way higher if he goes inside me versus if he pulls out?  I'm pretty consistent when I take it, it's pretty much within the same hour every day.

Thanks!
glittertoblack 18th-May-2012 06:59 pm (UTC)
If u take your pill every day you're 99.8% protected. I've been on the pill for 10 years and never had a problem
vertbio 18th-May-2012 07:09 pm (UTC)
The risk of pregnancy isn't going to be much higher at all if he ejaculates in you vs not in you if you are on the pill and taking it properly.

Just make sure that you are remembering it every day, taking it at about the same time, and make sure you aren't taking any other meds that could reduce it's effectiveness (antibiotics are notorious for this, make sure you tell your doc you are relying on your BC to prevent pregnancy if you are getting a prescription for anything). You should be fine.
knittinggoddess 26th-May-2012 10:07 pm (UTC)
As far as I understand it, the only antibiotic that actually does interfere with hbc are those in the rifampin family. The other stories of hbc+abx screwing up are pretty anecdotal and haven't been supported by research. I can dig up more info if you're interested; right now I'm on my phone.

Of course, if you are not confident in your perfect use, medication interactions or hbc efficacy for whatever reason, it's absolutely ok to insist on a backup method, including non-piv.
nickelshoe 18th-May-2012 07:49 pm (UTC)
This website does the math for how much you lower your risk of pregnancy by adding a second method of birth control: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/reproduction/the_buddy_system_effectiveness_rates_for_backing_up_your_birth_control_with_a_s

It depends how you look at it. If you look at it by percentages, you do greatly decrease your risk of pregnancy by pulling out, even if you are on the pill. However, the risk of getting pregnant on the pill is already small enough that the actual number of pregnancies prevented by adding withdrawal would be pretty small.

Remember--it's all up to you. If you don't feel comfortable with him ejaculating inside you, it doesn't matter what the numbers say.
veganhothead 18th-May-2012 07:54 pm (UTC)
My two cents: the pill is not 100% effective. You know that and so should he. If you're not comfortable with him ejaculating inside you than he should understand and accept that. Guys should be held every bit as accountable as women in preventing pregnancy and disease and a lot of them won't unless we stand up for ourselves. If he doesn't like it, well, there's more where he came from.

I don't mean to sound militant, but I've been there.
gryphonwing 18th-May-2012 10:19 pm (UTC)
Yes, but it rounds to 100% with perfect use...

In a pregnancy-prevention sense, it is not necessary to combine the pill with withdrawal. It just isn't. You're getting into a quibble over 99.8% and 99.99%.

Now, if he doesn't care about her discomfort, that's an entirely different thing. If he's unwilling to use withdrawal or a condom if she misses a pill, he's an ass, and what you're saying totally makes sense.
chipie 19th-May-2012 07:53 pm (UTC)
While obviously 99.8 does round to 100%, I disagree that the OP should think of the pill as 100% effective: it is not. There is still a chance of getting pregnant and that chance should be taken into consideration.

If I'm not getting my calculations wrong, out of 1000 perfect pill users, 3 will get pregnant in one year (assuming the pill is 99.7% effective, which is what the scarleteen webside says). Out of 1000 pill+withdrawal users, less than 1 will get pregnant.

That might not seem like a lot to some, but, having experienced an unplanned pregnancy myself (even though I had an IUD which is even more effective than the pill), that would make me feel much safer.

I guess what I'm saying is: there are still people out there who get pregnant on the pill. Some of these pregnancies could be avoided if these people had also used withdrawal. So, if a pregnancy is something the OP really could not deal with, combining two methods is quite logical.
sweetchild92 18th-May-2012 09:07 pm (UTC)
You don't have to do it if it's uncomfortable for you :) But pregnancy protection wise, withdrawal won't have much of an impact.

Also, if you're interested, http://www.itsyoursexlife.com/gyt/ has a finder to find places that do STI testing if that's a concern for you. If not, ignore!
yespleasespace 18th-May-2012 09:20 pm (UTC)
The pill is highly effective at preventing pregnancy if you're taking it correctly every day. Of course, combining it with another method of contraception, such as withdrawal, will further decrease your chances of getting pregnant. But your chances of pregnancy while taking the pill are quite low even if you don't use a second method. Ultimately, it's a matter of what makes you most comfortable, and if you are uncomfortable with not using withdrawal, then I think you should insist that he pulls out.

You might also want to look at other methods of contraception that have even lower failure rates than the pill, such as IUDs or Implanon, if that would make you more comfortable. But ultimately, my opinion is that if he gets to have sex with you, then he needs to respect your wishes about what you do and don't want during sexytimes.
purplebrick 20th-May-2012 01:17 am (UTC)
This has nothing to do with him insisting that he cums inside of me or anything - he's a perfect gentleman.

All of the information everyone provided was very helpful - thanks to all!
britt_pinkie 20th-May-2012 03:26 am (UTC)
How funny, I just had this discussion with my partner- same exact situation as you and everything, though we've been together a year. But yes, like everyone else said (and we decided), I think it's safe to rely on the pill as your sole method of BC. The fact of the matter is, the only 100% course of sex safe is abstinence. So no matter what you're doing- using the pill, withdrawing, doing both (we did the same thing)...there's still a slight chance of pregnancy.

I'm glad you asked this question, though- I was literally JUST thinking about posting the same thing, until my boyfriend and I decided on our own :) Good luck!
quiescentm 20th-May-2012 06:54 pm (UTC)
The pill doesn't guarantee you won't get pregnant. Sure it lowers the chances, but it's not 100% effective. My advice to you is to use a condom. The guy your with will be able to ejaculate inside of you while lowering the chances of pregnancy.
And if you don't want him to ejaculate inside of you, and he doesn't respect that, you probably you be sleeping with him anyway.
purplebrick 22nd-May-2012 08:41 pm (UTC)
I JUST said one post above yours that he is a gentleman. But thanks for the snide remark at the end anyway.
quiescentm 24th-May-2012 01:04 am (UTC)
No snide remarks on my part. You asked for advice and as a result, got mine. So sorry, I missed your replies to other people. Would you rather me say that if your asking about the probability of getting pregnant, you should maybe not be having sex to begin with? YOUR snide remark was unnecessary to someone trying to give you advice.
purplebrick 25th-May-2012 04:45 am (UTC)
Go to hell.
jocelina Safe Space Reminder26th-May-2012 08:51 pm (UTC)
Hi, purplebrick.

I'm writing as a VP maintainer to remind you that VP is a safe space, and telling someone to "Go to hell," even in response to a comment that's out of line, isn't appropriate here. If you receive or read a comment that rubs you the wrong way and aren't sure if or how to reply, we encourage you to get in touch with us (via email or over in contact_vp) so that we can step in and take care of things.

This is a friendly reminder to please review VP's policies to help us make VP a nicer place for everyone. You can follow these links for more information:

VaginaPagina Rules of Conduct [Abridged].


Please don't think we're scolding you or don't want you here. We issue these reminders to help keep VP a safe space for all. We hope you'll continue to participate in VP with this in mind. Safe space means a lot to many of our members, and it's amazing how much we can help just by being a little more careful with what we say.

If you'd like to talk more, your thoughts are welcome in contact_vp or via email (vpteam@vaginapagina.com). However, we just ask that you not discuss your reminder in this VP thread.

Thanks for understanding.

Jocey
For the VP Team
contact_vp
jocelina Safe Space Reminder26th-May-2012 08:49 pm (UTC)
Hi, quiescentm.

I'm writing as a VP maintainer to remind you that VP is a safe space, one where members are asked to refrain from passing judgment on others, or substituting their judgment for others'. Saying "if your asking about the probability of getting pregnant, you should maybe not be having sex to begin with" is an inherently judgmental statement, even if it comes from a place of concern for the OP's health.

This is a friendly reminder to please review VP's policies to help us make VP a nicer place for everyone. You can follow these links for more information:

VaginaPagina Rules of Conduct [Abridged].

Specifically, we talk about avoiding "if you _______________, then you shouldn't be having sex"-type statements in the section titled "More on Empowerment."

Please don't think we're scolding you or don't want you here. We issue safe space reminders to help our members acknowledge and include everyone, and to help keep VP a safe space for all. We hope you'll continue to participate in VP with this in mind. Safe space means a lot to many of our members, and it's amazing how much we can help just by being a little more careful with what we say.

If you'd like to talk more, your thoughts are welcome in contact_vp or via email (vpteam@vaginapagina.com). However, we just ask that you not discuss your reminder in this VP thread, since it would draw attention away from the original post.

Thanks for understanding.

Jocey
For the VP Team
contact_vp
i_love_freddie 25th-May-2012 05:21 pm (UTC)
If you are taking the pill correctly every day - and you are well aware of the things that can lessen the pill's effectiveness - pregnancy is extremely unlikely. Adding withdrawal is just that tiny bit safer, but it's really about your comfort than anything else.
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