VaginaPagina

Symptothermal fertility awareness! It's amazing!

I had trouble with that for a while too, because I mouth-breathe in my sleep and it lowers my oral temp. I now (tmi!) temp vaginally, and it works like a charm. Very consistent, smooth curve :)

How about a copper IUD? If you don't want to get pregnant within the next several years, it might be a good, hormone-free method. You might also try a diaphragm or cervical cap if you don't want such long term contraception. I like Planned Parenthood's "My Method" tool to help with choosing contraception: https://www.plannedparenthood.org/all-access/my-method-26542.htm

If you are interested in really really low-dose hormones, Implanon and Mirena (especially the Mirena) might be low enough for you.

Otherwise, the copper IUD (Paragard, Nova-T, Gynefix, Multi-load, etc) is the only super effective, foolproof, hormone-free birth control around. If you're in the States, the only copper IUD available is Paragard. Other countries have other models.

FAM (fertility awareness), withdrawal, and barrier methods are other options, but you sacrifice effectiveness and ease of use for having something shorter-term and less expensive. Here's a Besider.org side-by-side comparison of a FAM method (there are a bunch), withdrawal and diaphragm: you can make your own comparison by clicking the symbols on the top bar.

As for the condoms, is your boyfriend open to working through this side effect? For all his faults, Dan Savage has written a lot of good information about conditioning yourself to not lose your erection. In his POV, it's pretty much a mental thing, and there are ways to get around it.

Aw, bummer! If you were open to an IUD, it would be so much easier! (But I totally understand why you are squicked by it. I feel similarly about Implanon.)

A big part of Savage's approach is in making condom use a sexy game. So, if you introduce it as "hey, this sounds sexy", that could be an in.

fam might be useful for you as well.

How about constant stimulation with putting the condom on-and lube on the inside! Putting it on can easily be a part of foreplay.

I was going to recommend Mirena too. I didn't want hormones, but didn't want the extra bleeding and cramps that came with the copper one. So I went with Mirena and so far so good. I thought it was kind of invasive too...You sort of have to be violated and put through some pain and/or discomfort to get it. But it was definitely worth it and after going through insertion, I can say that it wasn't at all as bad as I was expecting, even after the doc needing to insert extra rods to dilate before insertion because my cervix was too tight and the insertion tool wouldn't fit.

My bf has issues with condoms as well. The penis is pretty sensitive and based on my my bf's descriptions, it sounds almost like what we feel with the our finger tips. The sensations we can feel drop quite a bit when we put on latex gloves. But it is part mental too, and if you make condom use sexier, he'll probably do better with them. My bf has never lost an erection because of a condom. He's had difficulty approaching orgasm though, which I definitely would attribute to reduced sensation.

Edited at 2012-05-18 05:09 am (UTC)

Hey, how about the copper IUD? I got one about 5 weeks ago, and I love it! It does not interfere with my natural cycle at all, and no hormones.

I know the insertion sounds invasive, but it's actually not as bad as it sounds. I was expecting like the worst cramps of my life, and it turned out to be not nearly as bad as some of the cramps I had as a teenager, especially since I took 3 advil beforehand. It wasn't bad at all.

I believe it's actually more upsetting for your body to be put on hormones for just a few months then off them etc. Not to mention the risks of undesired pregnancy. If you think IUDs are too invasive, all I can think of is a diaphragm + spermicide, or FAM methods, but these require a lot of dedication and self-control fwiu. Imo it sounds much easier to use them in combination with a barrier method on your fertile days.

I've never tried these methods personnally, so I wonder how FAM users can refrain from sex at all during the fertile third of their cycle... isn't it when you're supposed to want it the most ? On the other hand, there are plenty of ways to be sexual and even achieve orgasm with your partner other than PIV.

Seconding the fertility awareness method. I was never very good at temping, so I just go by the fact that my cycle is VERY regular and my cervical fluid.

I'm totally obsessed with my Paragard (copper IUD). Absolutely no baby worries, and I get my natural cycle. Win win.

The procedure was, to me, no more invasive than a pap smear. It hurts a bit more, of course, but the pain lasts...two seconds? Three? If you're comfortable with gynecological exams, I don't think you should be too concerned about the insertion procedure. But that's just my opinion, of course, and you're entitled to your own boundaries. :)

#2 has always bugged me, especially if I hear of guys complaining about condoms. Like, ok, I almost passed out getting my IUD inserted (and so worth it though) and you're complaining about condoms? Oh no. And then the hormonal side effects of other methods...

I'd say it gives us an advantage if anything. We have a LOT of options and we can find and use one that works for us. I don't like condoms any more than my bf does, they don't provide the level of pregnancy protection that I want. My body is the one at risk of pregnancy, so I don't really mind altering it to avoid it...Sex isn't just for my boyfriend, it's for me too. I don't see it as being required alter my body so *he* can have sex. It's me taking control of my fertility so my boyfriend and I can express our love without having to worry about kids. I do not want children, and all those birth control methods give me the power to control that. The procedure to insert an IUD is uncomfortable, but it's worth it to me to have protection that is equal to surgical sterilization.

My boyfriend is the last person in the world I need to worry about gender equality with. Of course he sees me and treats me as his equal, his partner. The best decision for us as a couple so we could have and enjoy sex was for me to have the IUD put in. If it was going to cost money, he would have paid, and he went in and held my hand and kissed my forehead while it was being done.

Edited at 2012-05-18 07:35 pm (UTC)

I agree with atalanta0jess. It may be our bodies that our getting pregnant, but it takes two people to make pregnancy. Men share the responsibility for getting us pregnant, so they should share the responsibility for us getting pregnant. It is just oh-so-convenient for men that women are the ones who have to find a method.

I don't have to worry about gender equality with my boyfriend either, but societally, we are far from perfect. Boyfriends don't have to be sexist themselves to still gain the advantages of living in a patriarchy.