8:52 am - 03/28/2012

Telling a dude you can't have sex/how to stop spotting/period

So this weekend a guy I really like is coming up for the whole weekend and I'm so excited to see him. We've had some dirty conversations and it's implied that we'll probably have sex. I'm so excited, because I haven't felt like this about someone in a while. And of course, I start spotting for the 2nd time in a year.
I have a Mirena IUD placed for BC. The other day I used Monistat 3 day for a yeast infection and now I have a brown/old blood discharge. It's getting heavier, but I'm hoping it slows down by Friday.

So, I ask you superstars:
What can I do to stop the spotting/bleeding? Anything?!?!

and

If I can't have sex, how do I tell him? I really like this guy and I'm pretty easily embarrassed. Any bit helps.
Thanks!
anchorsandhope 28th-Mar-2012 01:05 pm (UTC)
I have a Mirena and I get the brown/red blood spotting every once in a while. It's kind-of mucus-y. Not a good time.

I'm not sure what you can do to stop the bleeding/spotting but in all honesty? I have sex anyways. It's not noticeable.. at all during sex. Just make sure you clean up afterwards. I will also say when I'm spotting and I have sex-- I will get bright red blood for a couple hours afterwards.. typically. [Not a lot-- just a bit.]

I think the best way though-- if you're uncomfortable about having sex while spotting is to just be upfront. Be honest with him. Men know that women go through this kind-of thing. You guys can still have fun without having full blown sex, you know?

That's just my take on it all!
misheymo 28th-Mar-2012 01:06 pm (UTC)
if you're not to embarrassed to have sex with him you shouldn't be to embarrassed to tell him you are having... technical difficulties and sex isn't possible right now.
lightsabove 28th-Mar-2012 01:24 pm (UTC)
The easiest thing is to say "I'm bleeding, and don't feel comfortable having sex when I am bleeding.

Sometimes you just gotta suck it up, and say it, lol. It took me a while to get over the shyness about it.
fego04 28th-Mar-2012 01:31 pm (UTC)
I'm having the same problem right now. I'm going to see someone this weekend and my period is late.. and I'm sure I'll get it any day now. Doh. D:
_xxxdezxxx 28th-Mar-2012 01:37 pm (UTC)
I don't think there's anyway to just stop the spotting, you gotta let it pass.

BUT if you're not hurting or in pain and it's pretty light... maybe you can just tell him straight up. You never know. Maybe something like that won't bother him at all.

It happens, and i'm sure he knows it happens =]
thebunnygeek 28th-Mar-2012 01:59 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I don't think there's anything you could do to stop the spotting (gosh knows I've tried). But, since you need to abstain from penetrative sex and tampons for about a week (you took the Monsitat like, Monday?) maybe it's not the best idea to have sex lest you perhaps give him a bit of a yeast infection too.
Just explain that you're having some technical difficulties (like misheymo said), and sex is probably a bad thing right now. Maybe just enjoy other things like awesome make-out sessions to awesome music?! :D
Good luck though!
myswtghst 28th-Mar-2012 02:26 pm (UTC)
As others have mentioned, spotting / period doesn't automatically mean "no sex", unless it's your personal preference not to - I've definitely had partners who weren't even fazed by it.

The best advice I can give, regardless of whether you decide to go for it or not, is to bring it up before things get physical, so you both have similar expectations. If you prefer not to have sex, just let him know that you are spotting, and that you'd prefer not to have sex right now, but that you are fine with making out / cuddling / a handjob / whatever. If you decide to give it a go, make sure you have dark sheets, or lay down a towel you don't mind getting stained, and go for it.

Either way, good luck and have fun!
deuxditz 28th-Mar-2012 05:04 pm (UTC)
This! Talk to your partner, let him know. And remember, there are a lot more kinds of sex than just PIV!
dizziedumb 28th-Mar-2012 04:21 pm (UTC)
what i do sometimes to thwart an uncooperative bit of blood is insert my diaphragm... but since you may not have one, would you be comfortable using a sponge instead? i am perfectly comfortable with intercourse during my period, but my boyfriend is not- whatsoever!! i have had partners before that didn't mind or were, in fact, into it. the person you're seeing may not mind a bit of spotting, but also remember that you just had a yeast infection. do you feel that it's cleared, or are things still angry in there? you may not want to engage for that reason alone.
knittinggoddess 28th-Mar-2012 05:34 pm (UTC)
Personally, I'm fine with sex while spotting. I dislike sex on my period (the noise, mostly, and the changed sensation in the vagina), but with spotting I don't notice.

If you don't feel comfortable having PIV right now, tell him. You don't have to get detailed. Even a "uhhhh...not....today..." with an intentional *look* seems to get the point across to others. Even cis guys understand that people with uteruses bleed; you'd be surprised who is okay with it! (Every guy I've ever slept with, actually.)

If you want to stop the bleeding, look under the faq or bleeding tag in iud_divas. Try this post, this one and this one.

On IUD_Divas, people often recommend the sea sponge tampon (or cutting down a very clean artist's sea sponge) to deal with spotting or bleeding during sex. Reportedly, the sea sponge blends in with the vagina so well that it's often hard to find again! They're supposedly very comfortable; I've never found them in stores so I've never tried them.

And finally, when did you finish the Monistat? It's usually recommended that you avoid penetration of any kind for almost a week. Your tissues are still healing, and penetration can trigger a relapse--or just hurt a LOT.

Sex is about way more than just PIV, so hopefully you and your sexy new guy can find something else fun to do.
helpme11111 28th-Mar-2012 08:52 pm (UTC)
Even a "uhhhh...not....today..." with an intentional *look* seems to get the point across

THIS!

My favorite line is "uh...it's my anti baby celebration time, so we'll have to wait..."

I always prefer something vague and clever to "well, I have a mirena IUD and so right now i'm experiencing some mucusy spotting..." but of course it's up to you!
justforapicture 29th-Mar-2012 02:45 pm (UTC)
Anti baby celebration time > mucusy spotting ;)
arilzya 12th-Oct-2013 12:57 am (UTC)
I wish I could "facebook LIKE" this but I suppose i'll instead have settle with a comment to show my appreciation. ;)
aki_the_wingly 28th-Mar-2012 11:26 pm (UTC)
Honestly, I would just tell him it's that time of the month and that you don't feel comfortable having sex during that time. At least, that's what I would do.
svexsal 29th-Mar-2012 03:48 am (UTC)
I'd mention something about being at the end or beginning of my period and hope that'd be enough.
If he brings up condoms, I'd be iffy about whatever might be left of your Monistat as it can break them. But you have the Mirena so you have backup.
I'd be worried about ping ponging the yeast infection to him and then back to yourself. I'd personally want to wait a few more days to make sure it's all out of my system.
justforapicture 29th-Mar-2012 02:44 pm (UTC)
The YI has been gone for a week and a half now. I just think the Monistat started the spotting (aggravated my bits). But thank you!!
rikkitsune 29th-Mar-2012 06:24 am (UTC)
I don't know how this would work with an IUD, but whenever I have spotting or my period, I insert a sea sponge (cut down to size) shortly before sex and take it out somewhere discreet afterwards. Works like a charm.
justforapicture 29th-Mar-2012 02:44 pm (UTC)
I've been thinking about that! My IUD is like...invisible anyway. The strings tucked away immediately and no poking issues or whatever. I'm going to see if I can find a sea sponge tonight. How big should it be? Could he ever tell?
rikkitsune 29th-Mar-2012 11:59 pm (UTC)
APPARENTLY, it is very, very difficult for them to tell. My partner knew, because he suggested it (he was listening to a podcast and their porn star guest speaker was talking about it) and then helped me get it out afterwards (I have issues with spinal flexibility).

But he did comment that he couldn't feel anything different. :)

As for size, I bought a regular sized sea sponge (about a handful in size) from a chemist and cut it into quarters, because my vaginal canal is relatively small. It really only needs to be big enough to cover your cervix.
rikkitsune 30th-Mar-2012 12:01 am (UTC)
Just had a thought. IF he does notice and you are not comfortable discussing your spotting, you can always tell him that you put the sea sponge in so that he doesn't get poked by your IUD strings? How considerate of you!
luinecu 29th-Mar-2012 12:55 pm (UTC)
I'n my relationship my period is called "blow-job week" :P Especially considering the YI, it might be an idea to stick to other acts until it's out of your system. But for the record, a bit of spotting shouldn't really stop you.. other then a bit of gunk on the condom afterwards, who's any the wiser? Of course, it's whatever you're comfortable with :)

I usually go with the, "maybe I can just give you a bit of attention tonight, hum?" ... most guys get that if you're offering them an alternative then it's because you're on your period :)
justforapicture 29th-Mar-2012 02:42 pm (UTC)
That's what I'm figuring! I think I'll take things slow and if the spotting doesn't stop, I'll just drive him wild! Though I want to bang him so bad! Hahaha anyway, I'm totally comfortable. Right now it's just a bit of brown spotting here and there. Not even enough for a tampon. Just a pantyliner. But I just dont want to meet him and be like HI, NICE TO MEET YOU, I KNOW WE'VE TALKED ABOUT HAVING SEX BUT I'M JUST GOING TO GET BROWN STUFF ALL OVER YOU!
We've also talked about showering a ton, so maybe I can get away with doing that for the first day or two that he's here, then the spotting might stop and we can do some real fun stuff. Also...any thoughts on receiving oral if you have a tampon in?Tuck the string? Or still tell them?
luinecu 29th-Mar-2012 03:04 pm (UTC)
HAHA! Um, yes, fair point!!!!! Ok ok, if you can't keep it in your pants I think shower sex is the best way to go. IDK, I guess 'brown stuff' for me doesn't even set of the whole blood squick thing. So your period blood isn't blood either, but are most guys going to make that connection? I think you're over thinking it!!! That said, oral's probably a no go. But then maybe I find tampon strings creepy.. and then there's the fact my vagina tends to uhh.. expel things when I come! I've not had a problem when wearing my menstrual cup though :)
justforapicture 29th-Mar-2012 03:06 pm (UTC)
I do indeed have a Meluna. Can't get the fucker to stay when things are heavy, but could definitely give it a try tonight and see how it works! :)
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