7:20 pm - 05/23/2009

Foreskin tearing during sex

I started dating this guy in January, and he's the only guy I've ever been with who was uncut.  (Which I quickly found out that I love and much prefer to cut guys.)  He told me in the beginning that I had the strongest vaginal muscles he'd ever felt, and has since jokingly referred to it as my "steroid vagina."  He really likes it, but it's been causing some trouble.  The strip of skin that connects his foreskin to the head of his penis has been tearing when we have sex.  It started just a little at first, but progressively got  worse.  Then we had a really horrible episode where, in the midst of switching positions to doggy style, he put it in and it tore really bad, and started bleeding heavily.  He went to the doctor soon after and was told if it gets much worse, he'll have to get cut.  Neither of us wants this, obviously, because I really like him the way he is, and he'll be in severe pain for 4-6 weeks.  Since the big tear, it hasn't been too bad.  The skin didn't heal back together like it had been, and there is a little more give to his skin now.  I don't really know what to do.  I'm afraid to squeeze my muscles during sex now, but sometimes have a hard time controlling it, like when he's thrusting really deep or when I orgasm.  He has also said that he really doesn't want me to stop squeezing, because it feels really good.  Has anyone else ever had any experience with this sort of thing?  What ended up happening?  Is it just a matter of time before he ends up having to get cut, or is there something we can do to prevent the tearing?
sanscesse 23rd-May-2009 11:32 pm (UTC)
Do you two use lube during sex?
I'd say lube the heck up next time and see how that goes, and then work up to flexing your steroid vagina. :)
darkenedminds 23rd-May-2009 11:55 pm (UTC)
Thats his frenulum. It happens, and no, it doesn't mean that he'll have to be cut (unless it tears and he gets a bad infection or something.)

Try to see a urologist, who may be able to give the frenulum a little snip to loosen it up. Also advise him to gently stretch it when he pulls his forskin back, so it may possibly stretch and become a little more elastic on its own.
queensugar 24th-May-2009 12:41 am (UTC)
Oh ouchies!

He should not need a circumcision. Can I guess that you're in North America? Advice that standard injuries or infections need to be "fixed" by circumcision is rather unique to the few areas where male circumcision became "the norm" in secular communities, and a lot of this is due to simple misinformation about the unaltered penis and foreskin. If any other doctor suggests that he'll need a circumcision, politely tell them that you'd prefer something less severe.

The frenulum is quite capable of healing back up on its own. I would say take it easy for awhile -- use extra lube too -- and preferably avoid sex altogether until you are sure the frenulum is 100% healed.
lynzee_nicole 24th-May-2009 12:54 am (UTC)
As I said earlier, it was previously tearing and causing him to be tender and sore for a while, but once we had the big tear, the two places healed separately instead of healing back together. It is still attached, but now has about a 1/4 of an inch more give than it did before. We asked if it was possible to snip it, and they told us no... perhaps we need to see a different doctor?

Also, we don't really use lube that often, we prefer just to use spit... I think it works better, it doesn't get sticky, and has a more intimate feeling, reaching over to grab a bottle of lube is a bit of a moment killer. But we are always sure to make sure that we are both very slick before attempting sex.
ckehoe 24th-May-2009 03:09 am (UTC)
dear GOD, this. A second opinion should absolutely be sought in this situation, because there are doctors out there with a "cut first, ask questions later" attitude.

Also, it's possible that this last tearing may be all that's necessary to relieve the tension that's been occurring.
lynzee_nicole 24th-May-2009 01:07 pm (UTC)
That's sort of what we thought. Since he hasn't had a whole lot of trouble with tearing since the big tear, we thought maybe that was all the give we needed.
buzzboomsplat 24th-May-2009 03:48 am (UTC)
But isn't your partner's penis tearing and bleeding all over the place more of a mood killer? I think that spit dries up too quickly.. I've tried a lube called Sylk which is from New Zealand. It's made from kiwi fruit vine extract and it's consistency is a lot more vagina-lube like than other lubricants that i've tried.
chiyo_no_saru 24th-May-2009 04:07 am (UTC)
I would absolutely get some good lube. It's not a mood killer unless you make it one--it's not like you have to stop, sigh, find it, get it out, slap it on, then try and get horny again--have it handy, take it out, rub it all over his dick, have fun with it! It's as much of a mood killer as you want it to be.

Really, spit is fine for insertion, but since it's water-based, your skin absorbs it super quickly and it just doesn't last at all.
loonylupinlover 24th-May-2009 06:34 am (UTC)
Seconding everyone else who says lube is only a mood-killer if you want it to be. For me, it's way more of a mood-killer for my vagina to be dry, sore and uncomfortable, forcing us to stop sex. I'd also guess that your boyfriend's foreskin tearing, bleeding and causing him pain is more of a mood-killer than grabbing a pump of lube (I have a handy pump bottle) and slathering up the two of you; it takes about 15 seconds and can prevent so much discomfort! An ounce (or in this case, a dab, blob, or squirt, lol) of prevention is worth a pound of cure! :)
frolicnaked 24th-May-2009 06:39 pm (UTC)
... I have a handy pump bottle...

Another bonus of the pump bottles is that it's not too hard to learn to use them entirely one-handed. So while one hand is pumping out lube, the other hand can still be on one's partner. :)
storychick 24th-May-2009 01:30 am (UTC)
This happened to my now-husband a number of years ago. We ended up having to take a fairly long break from sex to let it heal -- I don't remember exactly now how long, but in the 4-6 weeks range I think, and he needed antibiotics because it developed a slight abscess-like thing. His doctor just said to be very careful to let it really heal and it should be fine, but that the scar tissue that formed might be tight and might need some steroid (I think) cream to help loosen it. It wasn't a enough of a problem that he was willing to go back to the doctor for it.

It did cause him to ejaculate much faster for quite awhile, though, it caused a lot of extra stimulation though not necessarily in a good way. It got much better after a few years, though that may be related to my giving birth and having less of a "steroid vagina" afterwards. :)

Never so terrifying a moment as turning on the light because we had the sense that "something isn't right" and there was blood EVERYWHERE!

In retrospect I think we should have taken a longer break, taken it much slower when we did resume sex, and use lube lube lube for awhile to help loosen things. We kinda forced it and I think that's why it got a little infected and why it has caused some longer term issues.

Good luck!
lynzee_nicole 24th-May-2009 01:37 am (UTC)
What was the abscess thing like? He has a small spot where it usually tore that is usually a little tender, and seems like it never quite heals. Is that like what your husband had?
storychick 24th-May-2009 01:58 am (UTC)
I think so. It was a little tender and red and yeah, kept tearing/not quite healing at that one spot even though it seemed to heal well otherwise. I just asked because I couldn't remember exactly and he said they said to use a prescription antibiotic cream and to put hot compresses on it to draw the infection out.
pygmybugs 24th-May-2009 04:54 am (UTC)
Most people have already said all this, but I'll just chime in. There's no need for him to be circumsized. At the worst, a little snip of the frenulum (very similar to the thing under your tongue, which is also called a frenulum, and also sometimes needs to be altered a little if it limits tongue movement/speaking) should take care of things.

It might be difficult to go without, but letting his bits rest for a while while they heal might be the best thing. Foreskin injuries can be a little stubborn, because they're constantly getting irritated by night-time erections, peeing, et cetera. Plus, it's warm, dark, smeggy. Not a lot of fresh air.

My ex (uncut) and I had a "sexident" once, where a mis-aimed thrust resulted in a fairly small (but really ouchie) foreskin tear, and it was probably around a month before he felt 100%. Keeping it clean with a mild soap, free-balling it whenever he felt comfortable doing so (for fresh air and less moist heat) and a little Vitamin E seemed to help.

I always put a little lube under his foreskin when we'd have sex, to avoid irritation if we were going for a while. Too much can be a little overstimulating for guys with turtlenecks (in my experience, I live in the US, so I've only been with a few), but a couple drops of good lube works wonders.
fleckerbug 24th-May-2009 08:36 am (UTC)
It sounds like you're talking about his frenulum. Some guys just have a tighter frenulum. I don't see why they couldn't just snip that rather than cut the whole thing off.

Here's an article on treating 'frenulum breve'-- it talks about the condition and treatments for it.

http://www.circumstitions.com/Frenbrev.html
Ritu Raj Latest Victim18th-Oct-2011 09:22 pm (UTC)
Well... I think I am the latest victim of this tear... It had been a while since I had sex as I was pretty busy with my career and suddenly I found this astounding damsel, and we fell for each other immediately... During our first inter-course, she rubbed my Johnson quite vigorously and she kinda removed all the moisture from it.. And in the heat of the moment, I also didn't realize that... When I finally entered her, her vagina being tight and dry, I just felt a tear on my Johnson accompanied by an astounding pain... I withdrew my Johnson and to my surprise, I found the tip of my tool was torn a bit and blood was oozing out... I was very puzzled as to what may have happened and what can be the reason for such a thing... My partner kept taunting that she took my virginity and since then I was trying to find a reasonable explanation for this... Finally I found it !! Thanks to this thread !! :) Now we know the culprit too - DRY VAGINA !! So all the uncut guys, lets take a lesson from this... If you are going to pound upon a tight vagina, please make sure that it is properly lubricated... Else, feel the music ! ;)
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