6:49 am - 10/05/2007

Losing One's Virginity

OK, so I searched around the archives and didn't find these answered, so here goes:

1. When you lost your virginity, on a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being horrendous pain) how badly did it hurt?
2. Did you bleed?
3. If it was painful, how many times (of having sex) did it take for the pain to go away and for you to have a normal sexual experience?
4. Did this heavily affect your experience? In what way?
5. If you slept with an "experienced" man, how did he react/handle the situation?

ALSO: For those of you who lost your virginity on your honeymoon, if you don't mind, could you describe the experience? Did any discomfort/pain affect your honeymoon (in terms of sex)? Were you able to have sex more than once during the entire course of the honeymoon?

Thanks!!
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janejellyroll 5th-Oct-2007 10:54 am (UTC)
1. Probably a two.
2. Not at all.
3. No pain at all the second time.
4. Nope.
5. N/A - he was a virgin too.
disturbedme 5th-Oct-2007 11:02 am (UTC)
1. Around 2 as well.
2. Just a little... more like spotting some.
3. A couple weeks or so.
4. No.
5. N/A

I lost my virginity on my honeymoon, but we didn't have sex multiple times in a day. The honeymoon for me was more than just sex. It was a wonderful, exciting time.

Sex hurt slightly, but not much.

Of course every woman is different, so my experience will be different than yours most likely.
eleanorrigby2 5th-Oct-2007 11:06 am (UTC)
Did you have sex more than once at all during your honeymoon? (I assume it was longer than a day)

Your husband was a virgin?
sabbyoh 5th-Oct-2007 11:04 am (UTC)
1. 1/10. it didnt hurt at all.
2. a teeny bit, not much.
:)
xcrypticsugarx 5th-Oct-2007 11:06 am (UTC)
1. 7, but once he got through it was okay
2. Yes and I had heavy bleeding for 5 days like it was a normal period.
3. Not even two times. Remember lots of lube and foreplay will relax you.
4. No
5. I'll admit he was a little blunt, but he took into consideration that I was virgin and tried to as gentle as possible even though he wanted to f--k me so badly.

But you know honey, if its with someone you love and care so much, none of this should even matter. Just relax and talk things out with your man and everything should go your way, not his way.
eleanorrigby2 5th-Oct-2007 11:15 am (UTC)
Thanks for the advice, I'm really freaked out.
rachelish 5th-Oct-2007 11:10 am (UTC)
1. I would say a 3 or a 4. It was pretty uncomfortable, and not just during sex. I was sore for a few days afterwards.

2. I was actually on my period, so yes, there was blood. But the next time I wasn't on my period and there was blood too, so some of it was from the sex.

3. The second time felt ok, but not great. After that, I really didn't have penetrative sex for a long time. When I finally did have sex again, it didn't hurt at all, but still took a few tries with my new partner before it felt enjoyable. After that it was great.

4. I don't think it really affected my experience the first two times because I really just wanted to have sex to get it over with. He was a friends with benefits situation, so I wasn't expecting it to be amazing.

5. He was experienced and knew ahead of time that I wasn't. He was pretty patient, because it took awhile to get started, but looking back on it now with more experience under my belt, he really just wanted to get some. And that was fine because of the situation we had worked out, but it definitely could have been better with someone who cared more about me and my pleasure.
eleanorrigby2 5th-Oct-2007 11:18 am (UTC)
"When I finally did have sex again, it didn't hurt at all, but still took a few tries with my new partner before it felt enjoyable."

If it didn't hurt, what wasn't enjoyable about it?
valarltd 5th-Oct-2007 11:13 am (UTC)
1) Zero. I was in fact rather disappointed in the soft fleshy feeling of him. (I had been using hard plastic vibrators for some years)

2) not a bit

3) Never went painful until after I had kids.

4)--

5) He'd had one woman before and I was nice enough NOT to say "That's it? What's the big deal?" which is what I was thinking.
eleanorrigby2 5th-Oct-2007 11:16 am (UTC)
I was under the impression it was easier to have sex after labor because of the stretching. ??
voicesinherbody 5th-Oct-2007 11:37 am (UTC)
1. 0-1
2. Nope
3. N/A
4. Since it wasn't in any way painful I just wanted to do it again right away. ;)
5. He was not a virgin and handled the whole situation pretty well. I was the "pushy" one.
archangelbeth 5th-Oct-2007 11:44 am (UTC)
1) Maybe a 1.5? If we're assuming "penetrative sex with a guy's penis" is what we're "counting" for "losing virginity." If we're assuming any penetration... Lessee. The tampon was probably a 1 with continuing discomfort twinging into the 2s till I got rid of it, and some of my makeshift toys were a 0 to 1. Same with his fingers when we were together prior to Actual Sex.

If I hadn't been very stirred up, it could have been much more painful, I suspect.

Hm. Oh, right, woman-on-top didn't work at all -- hurt us both enough so that we
stopped that position, IIRC.

2) Not that I noticed. This varies a lot from woman to woman, mind; I've heard from women who bled for several days afterwards. (I was writing this book, see...)

3) Two or three times had discomfort (in the .5-1.5 range) at the start. Define "normal," though? I didn't have orgasms reliably till much, much later.

4) I could certainly tell we were doing something new!

5) He wasn't "experienced," but he was well-read enough to take it slow and wait for me to tell him what was okay. Lots of listening to me.

It wasn't our honeymoon (it was when I was visiting him prior to moving in); our sex drives aren't usually in the "more than once a day" category anyway.
eleanorrigby2 5th-Oct-2007 12:03 pm (UTC)
Normal meaning painless, etc. How long did it take before you enjoyed the act?
chrome_cherry 5th-Oct-2007 11:55 am (UTC)
1. Maybe 3 or 4

2. Yes, but just a bit

3/4. I only had sex with that bf once more and that hurt too and was offputting - with my next partner it was wonderful

5. The guy I lost my virginity to claimed to be incredibly experienced, but I think it was mostly bull. Looking back, he didn't really care about me or how I felt at all, and that's why it was so uncomfortable. My next bf was a virgin, but sex with him was wonderful because he really cared about me, I found him much more attractive, and we felt comfortable playing around and exploring each other's bodies and talking to each other. IMO that's the key thing really, experienced or not.
eleanorrigby2 5th-Oct-2007 12:01 pm (UTC)
"
5. The guy I lost my virginity to claimed to be incredibly experienced, but I think it was mostly bull. Looking back, he didn't really care about me or how I felt at all, and that's why it was so uncomfortable. My next bf was a virgin, but sex with him was wonderful because he really cared about me, I found him much more attractive, and we felt comfortable playing around and exploring each other's bodies and talking to each other. IMO that's the key thing really, experienced or not."

That explains a lot, thanks for that input. I'm glad you found a much more (emotionally) engaging partner. :-)
chancecaught 5th-Oct-2007 12:03 pm (UTC)
1. About a four. I was tender for a few hours after that.
2. Yes, and I spotted for about a day afterward.
3. A few times.
4. Not really.
5. He was experienced and he handled it well and was understanding.
missjecka 5th-Oct-2007 12:03 pm (UTC)
1. 1 - Honestly, if I could give it a zero, I would. Didn't hurt at all.

2. No, I didn't bleed.

3. N/A

4. N/A

5. My partner wasn't experienced. We were both virgins.
righteousbean 5th-Oct-2007 01:43 pm (UTC)
1. 3/4
2. yes, I spotted for a couple days after
3. i'd say the third time i was okay, without any pain at all
4. not really
5. he was a virgin also

sailthemoon 5th-Oct-2007 01:46 pm (UTC)
1. I'm with everyone else. I'll give it a 2, just because there was a bit of pressure and stretching, but there was very little pain involved.
2. No, I never bled.
3. Honestly, while it didn't hurt per se, it did take quite a few times before sex was completely "normal" to me.
4. No.
5. N/A
gemfyre 5th-Oct-2007 02:03 pm (UTC)
Didn't hurt the first time (it was both our first times). And subsequent times it's just sometimes uncomfortable to begin but soon starts to feel good.

Guess I'm lucky - but I'm also quite sure that I was either born without a hymen or broke it at a young age.
fifthconundrum 5th-Oct-2007 02:15 pm (UTC)
I never lost my virginity; thank goodness I know exactly who I gave it to. :-)

Anyway, it didn't hurt, because I'd been using a dildo to masturbate for about two years. The dildo hadn't hurt, either, because I took my time and used LOTS of lube. I did not bleed.

My partner, a trusted friend, was very gentle. He has a gentle nature, which is probably why I felt comfortable allowing him the honor of being my first sexual partner. We talked about it for a couple of weeks beforehand, and we talked during it, so we could make the experience fun for both of us. I don't think I could have chosen a better first partner for myself!

Because my experience with him was so positive, I was completely relaxed with my next partner.
pretty492 5th-Oct-2007 03:55 pm (UTC)
I am so jealous of your experience. Every woman should be so lucky.
h2ok 5th-Oct-2007 02:21 pm (UTC)
1. 0; I experienced no pain.
2. No.
3. N/A
4. N/A
5. He didn't know I was a virgin....
atalanta0jess 5th-Oct-2007 02:29 pm (UTC)
Remember, there are many ways to make it so that you don't have pain from your hymen breaking. (e.g. stretching yourself out before the honeymoon) Also ways of making it not very painful in general...using lube, going slowly, etc.

I don't really remember how much it hurt, etc. Must not have been all that much, although I remember that the first time we tried, we didn't finish. I don't think I bled though.
eleanorrigby2 6th-Oct-2007 04:11 pm (UTC)
How do you stretch yourself beforehand? How long does it take to be stretched enough? Is a week sufficient? Thanks again for all the help !
loonylupinlover 5th-Oct-2007 02:45 pm (UTC)
1. 1. A bit of tightness/stretching.

2. Not at all.

3. --

4. I was super excited to try it again the next morning! And every single time I saw him after that! Sometimes three times! *g*

5. He had had one partner before me who wasn't very good (selfish in bed) and she was experienced and I was a virgin. He was very careful about making sure that we didn't go too quickly and didn't do anything I wasn't comfortable with. We were in love, trusted each other very much, I was on birth control so pregnancy wasn't an issue, and he was always very gentle and considerate with me in bed so I felt safe having sex with him for the first time. Plus, there had been tons and tons of fingering going on for the previous 3 months so that helped a lot. *g*

Are you very nervous about losing your virginity? Have you talked with your partner about how he feels?
eleanorrigby2 6th-Oct-2007 04:12 pm (UTC)
I'm freaked out. I wish I was nervous, I'm more along the lines of petrified.
indigodye 5th-Oct-2007 02:48 pm (UTC)
1. Not at all.
2. Nope.
3. n/a
4. n/a
5. He had had one partner before me, but he was still pretty much inexperienced . He had only had sex one time. We waited 18 months into the relationship, and it was great.. just take time to explore what each other likes, and dont be afraid to give feedback.
cbackson 5th-Oct-2007 02:49 pm (UTC)
It hurt, but not horribly. Primarily from the muscles stretching--my hymen was already broken due to childhood sexual trauma. It took a long time before I could enjoy it, though, because he was also a virgin and wasn't very good about trying to learn what was good for me. In fact, it never really became very pleasurable with him (two years of wasted sex, sigh!) because he didn't care very much about my experience.

My husband on the the other hand...it was awesome the first time we had sex, because even though he didn't know my body, he was gung-ho to learn!
sandtigeress 5th-Oct-2007 02:54 pm (UTC)
All the previous comments did well in making me more self conscious: maybe I shouldn't have read them. But here goes my answers:

1. It depends on what you're comparing it to. Personally, it HURT quite a bit. He's above average, and I'm small (5'7" and thin).
2. No.
3. N/A because sex still hurts or is uncomfortable, and I first had sex in 2004.
4. No, because I still felt that connection to him and everything. That was the most important thing to us.
5. Both of the guys I've been with are experienced, the second moreso than the first. He made it less uncomfortable, but I still can't enjoy sex 100%.

I wouldn't freak out over this kind of thing though unless it were to happen, which is less often than adapting to it and all. Part of my issues are physical, and that's not going to change.
eleanorrigby2 5th-Oct-2007 06:57 pm (UTC)
I don't meant to state the obvious but, have you seen a doctor about it?
no1spromqueen 5th-Oct-2007 02:59 pm (UTC)
1. mebbe a 3 at first then 0
2. newp
3. next time was fine
4. not at all
5. knew i was a virgin. didnt have a problem with it.
ends_and_means 5th-Oct-2007 03:22 pm (UTC)
1. 1
2. No
3. It's almost always a little too tight at first, but I wouldn't say it hurts. It just is a bit uncomfortable for about 30 seconds.
4. Huh
5. Huh
sarahness 5th-Oct-2007 03:22 pm (UTC)

1. When you lost your virginity, on a scale from 1 to 10 (10 being horrendous pain) how badly did it hurt? 8, but he was way larger than average.

2. Did you bleed? oh yes. and I cried.

3. If it was painful, how many times (of having sex) did it take for the pain to go away and for you to have a normal sexual experience? It probably took a good 10 times for it not to hurt, and even now it's still uncomfortable in the wrong position.

4. Did this heavily affect your experience? In what way? Not really...

5. If you slept with an "experienced" man, how did he react/handle the situation? He was concerned about me, wanted me to enjoy myself, tried to be as gentle as possible. He assured me I was doing everything fine. He held me afterwards. It was kind of sweet, kind of awkward. Haha.
eleanorrigby2 5th-Oct-2007 06:58 pm (UTC)
How come it didn't affect your experience if it was so painful?
nandy_pandy 5th-Oct-2007 03:46 pm (UTC)
- 7; I said something along the lines of, "My vagina is on fire".
- Quite a lot, actually. It freaked him out. After a few days of more bleeding, I ended up going to my doctor.
- Uh, three years? It still hurts from time to time.
- Nope!
- n/a

Despite it sounding like the worst experience of my life, it really wasn't! It was more like a bad comedy. We still laugh about it. ;)
eleanorrigby2 5th-Oct-2007 06:58 pm (UTC)
How come it didn't affect your experience if it was so painful?
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