2:26 pm - 09/18/2007

Pain with sex/No orgasm from sex

Hi, I'm new here and I'm very glad I've found this community.

I lost my virginity last year in October and have been sexually active since then, with a large break of any sexual activity from December to July.

I have two problems that need to be addressed;

1} Every time my boyfriend and I have sex, it's always really painful for me. We've had sex quite a lot in the last three months and I'm wondering why it's still painful for me {it was painful in the beginning, before he and I started dating, but I thought it would go away after awhile}. He always makes sure I orgasm before we do so, so natural lubrication isn't the problem, and the condoms we use are always lubricated. And it's kind of an all over pain, not just in one location.

I'm also using Nuva Ring, if that has anything to do with it.

2} I'm also not able to have an orgasm through penetration. I'm thinking it might have something, a big something, to do with the fact that it's painful. And, I feel like I'm not even being stimulated on my clitoris at all when we have sex, and I'm not sure why that is. And a weird thing is that after he's come, I feel something like little vibrations inside myself.

Any information about this would be greatly appreciated. I'm also planning on getting a pelvic exam sometime in the next few weeks so I might be able to figure out what's going on.
taterbug160 18th-Sep-2007 06:37 pm (UTC)
This is going to sound backward, but maybe you and I are alike! If my guy goes down on me before sex and I orgasm, penetrative sex is painful for me. Not unbearable, but not a great feeling.
bubblytoes28 18th-Sep-2007 06:39 pm (UTC)
2) Most positions I have sex in do not stimulate my clit at all. Either you or your boyfriend have to do it with your fingers. Or just get creative with positions :)
dearambellina0 18th-Sep-2007 07:00 pm (UTC)
Personally, if I orgasm before PIV sex, I tighten up and dry up. Try working up to an orgasm before sex, but saving the actual climax for before or after.
dearambellina0 18th-Sep-2007 07:00 pm (UTC)
Gah, I meant during or after!
miss_bushido 19th-Sep-2007 01:25 am (UTC)
Hehe, I'll try that next time and see if it helps any.
archangelbeth 18th-Sep-2007 07:15 pm (UTC)
1) You may want to check that you're not allergic to the lubrication and/or latex of condoms. You might also want to check out things like vulvodynia and vaginismus, just in case, as well as silent yeast infections or BV.

Also, personally, I am far less interested in sex after orgasm. It can even be a case of "Okay, done now; finish up 'cause this is a little uncomfortable." I am also not multi-orgasmic; I get one and that's it for at least half an hour and more like several hours, and even that half-an-hour-after one was a lot of work for not much payoff. So, in your case, you might want to have your guy get you "on edge" and not to orgasm. (Unless you know you're multi-orgasmic, that is.)

2) Pain + intercourse = probably no orgasms, unless you are a hard-core masochist, yeah. Also, depending on your position, you may not be getting clitoral stimulation. I have to rock my hips in a certain way to get our pubic bones together in just the right way. I can't do it when I'm on top, which is one reason I don't really like on-top. I do just fine in traditional missionary on a waterbed, though.

Men do "pulse" when they orgasm, just like women do, but in not the same areas. Have you given him a blow-job or handjob to his orgasm? You may well be able to feel it at the base of his penis.

Hope at least some of that is helpful!
alwaysamommy 18th-Sep-2007 09:08 pm (UTC)
I have an online friend that had this problem with the ring. Prior to the ring, she was bordering on being a sex addict (well, not really, but you know...) and during, it hurt so much that she didn't even want to do it. When she stopped using the ring, she went back to normal and hasn't had any problems since. I think it's been about 2 years now since she stopped using the ring and switched to something else. I do remember the pain being a huge deal to her then though.
miss_bushido 19th-Sep-2007 01:22 am (UTC)
I think I'll talk to my doctor about that. I mean, before I was on the Pill and there was pain, but I don't remember this much pain, so I know that's something to consider.

Also another factor to this was the fact that I had let 6 months go by between sex, but I'm not sure about that.

Thanks for letting me know about that :)
ends_and_means 18th-Sep-2007 11:12 pm (UTC)
do you mean he (or you) is playing with your clit during sex, and it's still not stimulated? if so, i don't know what to tell you. maybe your clit isn't very sensitive. if not, and you mean neither of you is doing anything other than penetration, change that! my clit rarely gets stimulated from just PIV, so positions like girl-on-top or spooning are great for him to touch me while in me... pretty great actually.
miss_bushido 19th-Sep-2007 01:24 am (UTC)
When we have sex, we usually do missionary, and even that doesn't stimulate me. We do some where I'm on top, but when I try to stimulate myself I get distracted by the pain involved :/

I have a feeling we'll be trying again soon, since we seem to have sex almost every time we see each other.
sand_woman 19th-Sep-2007 12:41 pm (UTC)
You know, if I was in the situation where sex hurt and yet I had it every time I saw my boyfriend, I would get trouble with my orgasm - from the emotional stress of such a situation. That might be something for you to consider? I've been reading some studies recently that suggest a link for some people between the use of HBC and physical discomfort during sex - a theory that it can make everything tighten up somehow. Also, are the condoms you use spermicidal? That can irritate some people.
sandtigeress 19th-Sep-2007 03:05 pm (UTC)
I've got the same issue you do with sex. It's painful or is very uncomfortable. My boyfriend believes and is convinced it's because my insides are smaller than average (if so, it may not be that much of a difference; I've never had an OBGYN say anything about it, although I don't know that they would, especially when they seem a little indifferent. . . ) and that it's psychological. To be honest, I think a part of my problem is I've never been worked up to the point where my mind completely shuts down, and I think that's a part of the reason because my boyfriend fingered me once where it felt awesome but I had NO IDEA he was fingering because it felt awesome and because I'm used to feeling pain with penetration. It blew my mind it could actually feel that good.

I would vote to make sure you're relaxed (you may think your muscles down there are relaxed when they're not) and to do plenty of foreplay. Also, it's kinda hard for me because it has to be specific, and I can't move out of them or it'll hurt, but maybe try and find the angles that work best for you too.

Also, I completely disagree with the commenter who said pain + intercourse = no orgasms unless you're a masochist. Untrue. You would need to get the clit stimulated first, but you can have clitoral orgasms and sex not be very comfortable. It simply depends on how turned on you are and all (for me, my bf has to do a specific thing, and then the discomfort doesn't matter so much anymore).
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